The keys are in your hand, your directions are ready to go, and you have a hopeful heart. Perhaps today is the day that you WILL in fact make it to your destination on time and without any unplanned detours. But let’s be real here, if you relate with most of these things, then maybe you shouldn’t get your hopes up.
1. Even the GPS fails you.
Google Maps, Apple Maps, Campus maps, or just any kind of “Maps.” They’re supposed to be foolproof right? Yet, somehow you still find yourself in the middle of nowhere instead of your intended destination. Maybe this is tied to how you’re not the best with technology either.
2. You find yourself stuck on the highway forever.
Oh was that the exit? Oh wait there it goes….RECALCULATING RECALCULATING RECALCULATING. This is the endless cycle that you seem to fall into whenever you are trying to exit the highway. And it’s not like you do this on purpose, either, I mean who wants to keep going in circles? You just never seem to realize in time when to exit!
3. Walking in the city is an absolute nightmare.
How people navigate on foot from sidewalk to sidewalk through flocks of people and moving vehicles is beyond you. That alone already takes some level of expertise, but maintaining a sense of direction while doing all that? Unheard of! (Well, for you at least.) Basically, the buddy system is essential to you not falling off the face of the earth when traveling in crowded cities like New York and DC. Let’s just hope your buddy is better at navigating than you are.
4. You're required to provide constant check-ins with your loved ones when you're out.
This is mostly for their sake, because they understand that last text you just sent them saying “almost there!” could be the last they hear of you before you make a wrong turn and end up in a different country. And well, it’s always nice having someone on the other end of the line ready to help you out when you inevitably send an “SOS IDK WHERE I AM” text five minutes later.
5. You don't know the names of any roads-- just landmarks.
It doesn’t matter if the person talking to you just referenced the main road in the neighborhood you grew up in. If they aren’t talking about “that road across from the gas station where there’s a McDonald’s on the right,” then you have no idea where they’re talking about. Even better if it's something that everyone knows.
6. When people ask you for directions you basically send them off the wrong way. By accident, of course.
At least you tried, right? Basically, it’s that you either send them in the wrong direction or you laugh in realization of how useless you are in that situation.
7. You don't know what's North, South, East, or West outside of a compass on paper.
Well, North means up right? Or is it straight? Does “head east” just mean I make a right turn? Should I go downstairs if my GPS tells me to “go south?” Yikes. Time to call Mom.
8. You've found yourself on the wrong side of a one-way street before.
The first (and hopefully last) time that happened to me, I legitimately thought I was going to die when the lights turned green and the other cars were coming my direction. I don’t wish that kind of fear upon anyone. Try to stay on the right side of the road, kids.
9. You get anxiety whenever someone suggests following you to an unfamiliar destination.
Oh, they may think that’s a wise thing to do right now, but just wait until it’s hours later and you’ve ended up circling around an isolated piece of land that has no sign of life. Google Maps probably would’ve been a better bet.
10. There's no point bothering with shortcuts because they'll inevitably turn into even longer routes.
When some friend suggests you try out this new path that they just know will get you guys there faster, you just don’t even bother. For you on the road, it’s always better to just stick with what you know because it’s bound to go wrong otherwise.
Power through, my fellow lost friends, because I have faith that we’ll eventually reach our intended destination…just probably a lot later than everyone else.
