1. "Listen up, Fives. A Ten is speaking." - Jenna

2. "Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?" - Liz

3. "Last time I taught, I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society—by which I mean I got fired." - Pete

4. "I only pass gas once a year, for an hour, atop a mountain in Switzerland." - Jack

5. "I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs." - Liz

6. "When is modern science going to find the cure for a woman's mouth?" - Dr. Spaceman

7. "I love how [coffee] makes me feel. It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain!" - Kenneth

8. "I don't think you wanna take advice from me on this. I ate a Three Musketeers bar for lunch and this bra is held together by tape." - Liz

9. "Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong." - Jenna

10. "I’m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness" - Jack

11. "Did you just try to control my body with your white hand?" - Angie

12. "I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the Devil’s temperature!" - Kenneth

13. "Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi." - Liz

14. "If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level with drop until he pees himself." - Liz

15. "I know it’s a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled out ‘Susan B. Anthony’ at the moment of conception." - Tracy

16. "Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor." - Liz

17. "I gotta stay serious. From now on the only movies Tracy Jordan makes are about the Holocaust, Georgia O’Keeffe, or both." - Tracy

18. "You look like that flashcard they told me means sadness." - Jenna

19. "Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that pushup last year for nothing!" - Liz

20. "I'm whipped! Angie got me up at 7:30 today. Did you know that in the morning, they have food, TV, almost everything. It's pretty good." - Tracy

21. "A drinking contest?!? What am I, 12 and at my boyfriend's frat party?!" - Jenna

22. "Science was my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament." - Kenneth

23. "As you know, my single, 'My Single Is Dropping,' is dropping." - Angie

24. "I finally understand the ending of The Sixth Sense. Those names are the people who worked on the movie!" - Tracy

25. "What's wrong, Lemon? When I see you chew your nails like that, it's either you're very anxious, or you handled some ham earlier." - Jack

26. "One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I’m really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn’t leave right away!" - Liz

27. "Let's do it again from the top. I want to get it perfect, because 'perfection' is my middle name: Unclaimed Perfection Baby Boy." - Tracy

28. "TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordanis an oxymoron, like 'liberal government' or 'female scientist.' - Jack

29. "Don’t talk to me like that Jack. I breastfed you for nine years!" - Colleen

30. "Live every week like it's shark week." - Tracy