Dear beautiful,
Keep your head held high and stick to what you believe in. There's nothing wrong with going to church groups. I know you feel empty, but there are less destructive ways for you to relieve your stress.
I know the first year is hard. The transition from high school to college is challenging for everyone. Choose your friends wisely, and trust your gut instincts. People minimize their problems, so don't let that persuade you to make bad decisions. Eating frozen yogurt and Moe's every once in a while isn't a crime. You don't have to feel guilty about comfort food.
Binging and purging are dangerous. It's not an excuse to eat gluten when you have to be gluten free. Vomiting the gluten isn't healthy. It's changing your brain chemistry to believe that throwing up will relieve your stress. Stop it before it starts. Just go to the gym.
If you stop it before it becomes a habit, you'll save yourself from months of agony worrying about whether you'll ever truly be able to feel normal again. Why can't you see how skinny you are? Purging does not make you lose weight. You don't even need to lose weight.
Purging hurts your throat. Severely. It destroys your esophagus, ruins your teeth, makes your hair fall out, and makes you feel exhausted all the time.
Eating disorders make you feel worthless. You'll look in the mirror every day and see globs of fat instead of the skin and bones that you are in reality. You'll step on the scales every day and be unhappy with the number, even if it's dropping. Nothing will seem good enough.
Look in the mirror while there's still time to change your attitude. You are perfect the way you are. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. People suck. The friends you make can't save you from yourself. You are the only person that can make the change.
Have faith in God. Getting out of this mess isn't easy. No one truly understands how much you're suffering. They shouldn't have to. You can only lean on your friends for so much support, until they feel weak because of you. Don't let it come to that.
You are strong. You can make wise decisions, so make them. Always remember that things aren't as bad they seem. There's a silver lining in everything.
With love,
Your future
P.S. There are incredible resources to help with these issues on campus. Call Student Health and the counseling center for professional guidance.
