Why do people cheat? There are a multitude of answers to this question, and they vary from person to person and couple to couple. In theory, most people are disapproving of cheaters. In college though, that societal standard of monogamy isn’t always apparent. In college, it completely falls by the wayside. Why do so many people cheat and why are there rarely social repercussions for cheaters in college? The more I think about it, the more it confuses me.

I’m not talking about people that make one mistake. Everyone is human, and I’m not saying that relationships are without challenges. I’m talking about people that consistently cheat on their significant others to the point where a lot of people know about it who I would call “repeat offenders”. College communities are too small to keep these things a secret, and when you cheat on someone at a party, you better believe someone is going to see you. When you’re a repeat offender, it’s pretty safe to assume a lot of people know about it. And not only that, but with so many indiscretions, that behavior becomes not a mistake, but a pattern.

Why then, are there no social repercussions for this? We don’t want people to cheat, but there is no social incentive not to. College culture deems cheating normal. I can think of 10 repeat offenders off the top of my head, but for the majority of those people, they don’t have bad reputations. Cheating doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but what does it really say about you? I don’t think that the answer to that question is positive, and given that, why don’t we as a college community do anything when people cheat?

I think a really good example of this is the “girlfriend at home phenomenon”—the idea that some people have that because their significant other doesn’t go to their school, they get a free pass for cheating. What’s even more baffling, is that girls (or boys) will knowingly hook up with people that date people at other schools. Not only is there no social repercussion for cheating, but people are actually facilitating the cheating. Obviously if you truly don’t know the other person has a significant other, you couldn’t have prevented perpetuating the cycle of cheating. The problem is that people knowingly hook up with these people even though they know that they have a girlfriend/boyfriend at another school.

Hooking up with people that are taken epitomizes the commitment-less nature of college hookup culture. There is literally no hope that you are going to take it further than hooking up, because that person is already in a relationship. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be experimenting and exploring and hooking up with a lot of people in college—that isn’t the issue at hand. What I don’t think should be socially acceptable is knowingly hooking up with someone who is dating someone else, and further, being that person who is dating someone and always looking to cheat. If you’re going to cheat, you might as well just not be in a relationship. It’s one thing to be in a legitimate open relationship, but being in one where exclusivity has been discussed and decided upon, and then breaking that commitment with someone, not just once, but on a consistent basis, is something that I have a problem with.

I think that as college students it’s natural to want to take part in the complicated and at times convoluted culture of hooking up, but if you’re going to do so, don’t espouse a commitment to another person and then knowingly break it. And as people living in a culture where cheating is so prevalent, a 2000 study puts it at approximately 65-75% of students being unfaithful, we shouldn’t be perpetuating this cycle of infidelity. Given the dire state of affairs when it comes to cheating, something needs to change. If you’re someone that wants to be respected in a relationship, which I hope that we all do, then we need to set the precedent for respect by holding our peers accountable. And, if you’re someone that’s unsure about whether or not you can be faithful in a relationship, then just don’t be in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with seeing someone casually, but there is something inherently dishonest about making a promise to someone you know you can’t keep. We need to break the cycle of dishonesty in college, and that starts with holding ourselves and each other accountable.