Forgiveness. It is often overlooked, but is one of the most difficult things to do in life. For some it is easier than for others. The innately stubborn struggle more with it than the not-so-stubborn, of course. I, unfortunately, seem to find myself more frequently in the former group in these kinds of situations.   

One common misconception about forgiveness is that someone must apologize to be forgiven. Although this scenario is ideal, this is not the case. Of course, it is difficult to forgive someone who does not show a mutual understanding of the situation. But that’s why it is necessary to see the situation in a different light and remember this one little fact…   

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.   

When you think of forgiveness, you think of it as something you do for another person, but in reality, it’s a cleansing process for yourself and your own emotions. It is letting go of your anger so that you might feel strong and at peace. While holding onto a grudge does tear your relationship with someone else apart, the anger can also tear you apart in the process. You can be consumed with a disease that becomes increasingly hard to fight as the habit of holding onto your frustration overwhelms you.   

Sure, maybe you don’t want to maintain a relationship with that person. Maybe what he or she did showed you that having that kind of a person in your life can be dangerous or will bring you down. And it’s true, some people are just not meant to be a part of your life. But the frustration is not meant to be a part of your life either.   

Last February, I was given the gift of listening to Carmen Tarleton speak at the Congress of Future Medical Leaders. Tarleton, in 2007, was victim to a brutal attack by her ex-husband. After being doused with industrial-strength lye, she was near death and tragically disfigured. The next three months of her life she spent in a medically induced coma, and faced over 50 drastic surgeries in within six years. In 2013, she was given a new face and a massive step toward her new life… But such a great deal of damage had already been done.      

Tarleton spent three years after the attack that changed her life feeling lost and continually angry with her situation and her ex-husband. But she soon did something that seems almost impossible to do: she forgave him. She says on overcomebook.com, the website for her memoir, "Overcome," “If forgiveness could help me, then I would surrender the negative feelings I had for him and his choices and know that I could use it all for my benefit; to find my piece of heaven on earth.”   

If Carmen Tarleton, a woman who has gone through such a great deal can forgive, so can we all. When you think about it, after going through something that hurts you, you’re allowed to make yourself feel better… to treat yourself. And secretly, this is how you do it. It is, after all, the gift you give yourself.