Every couple centuries, an auteur crawls out of the woodwork. One that is so genius, the world has no choice but to bow down and throws their bras on stage. I come here today to pitch myself as the next Mozart.

Early summer 2015, I was bored while babysitting and found a train whistle. I started beatboxing into it and the rest is history. I hunkered down into a manmade studio and have spent the last eight months crafting my masterpiece.

It doesn’t come out until June 3^rd on Interscope Records, but I’ve decided to share some samples. This is against the label’s wishes so help me keep it on the downlow.

1. Call and Response

One morning I woke up to a phone call from Kanye’s daughter, North. She said her parents were fighting and that they were saying the same sentences over and over again, ping ponging the anger around the room. That gave me the idea to do a call and response between a dope synth line and my fresh train whistle. The results are deafeningly amazing and I’m very happy that North helped me acquire inspiration at a time when I thought the world had none.

2. Mary Train

Being a Pastafarian, I’ve always felt that I’m a kindred spirit with the Rastafarians. I invited Bob Marley’s sons over to jam and this recording is a mixture of the third and fourth takes. We had a barbecue and they forced me to try vegan burgers (pass). This will probably be the lead single in Jamaica, because my marketing team believes in stereotypes and profiling. But hey, whatever gets me that platinum record hanging above my bed.

3. Let the Train Roll

A more club-inspired banger, I spent a weekend in Prague, getting high and making out with the various women of the city. I noticed a lot of music like this being played in the clubs, but each song was missing one thing: a train whistle. I hooked up with a Czech producer and we made this song happen. This is probably my third or fourth favorite off the album. Fun fact: the man that says, “Let the beat rock,” is that Czech producer, and yes, that is his real voice. No pitch altering whatsoever.

It’s hard to fit so much genius into one article, so I’ll let you buy the album yourself on June 3^rd. It’ll be called, “The Train Conductor, TOOT TOOT!”