You see, I am dealing with everyday struggles of school, work and family. I am today what is called a Non-Traditional student.

I am a 41 year old mom of three kids (my oldest is junior at RPI), I have a husband to whom I have been married to for 11 years, and I work as a waitress at a local bed and breakfast (Thur., Fri., and Sat.) by my house, and I go to college full time. This is what I deal with on a daily basis, trying to make everyone happy, and pursue my dream and keep the balls going as if I am a performer in a circus– the juggling act.

So this week it happened. I dropped a ball.

Everyday I have to get my two daughters, ages 10 and 6, up and ready to get the school by 7:15 am. Then I have to get myself ready for my 45 minute trek to school to go to class. Then after class, I have to repeat my commute home to have a little bit of time to either pick up the house, from the morning rush, or have some quiet time to do homework, before the bus drops off the girls. Then it's helping my daughter with homework, deciding what to do for dinner, and giving them some of my time so I can hear about their day. Then my husband comes home, and I try to help him by having dinner made by that time (if a decision has been made by then) to give him a break from cooking (he is the chef in the house) so then he has extra time to do house chores that need to be done. Then I clean up from dinner, get the kids showered, and ready for bed, then I may have time to work on homework again, if a computer is available, since my young daughters have such a busy social life with Skyping with their friends (NOT).

You see I am helping my husband to, pursue his dream of owning his own restaurant. This past week, he was a guest chef at the local bed and breakfast that I waitress at, and I was very torn. It was on a Wednesday night, when I do have a night class. I felt as if I went to class, then I wouldn't be supportive to him, and if I skipped class, then I wasn't being a good student to myself.

This struggle is very real.

So, I skipped class and I did work, but I also felt guilty as if I was cheating myself. But it was one class, the only one I have missed up to this point this whole semester. So not too bad right? Well, this is where the balls started to fall. So it ended up being a late night, I think I got home at 11:20 pm, which then makes the 6 am wake time feel that much closer. Needless to say I was very tired the next day, slept in a little too long and almost missed the bus. Driving to school felt a little longer that morning, and I was just trying to find time in the day to take a short nap, but that was impossible because the girls got home and I had a short time with them before I had to go back to work that Thursday night. So Thursday night ended up being a short night (got lucky) and I was home sometime around 9:30 is. So I was feeling good as I knew I had a midterm coming up on Friday that I wanted to study well for. So I studied for a good couple of hours before I called it quits and headed off to bed sometime around 12 or so. Then I repeated my morning with the girls but before I headed to school, I had to read some articles for another class, so I could participate in discussion that we have about what we read in class that morning. So after my morning class I have a break, so I took that time to study with a friend for the midterm in the next class. That was the most nerve racking 50 minutes I have spent (up there with child birth) of my life. I don't know how I did as of yet, but from how I felt afterwards, I don't think that I did well at all. Yet again, I feel as if this past week, I just dropped the ball.

I know that we are all allowed to have those moments in life where we can drop the ball now and again because that make me human. I feel as if my work that I do in school, at a job or anything that I put my hands on, is a reflection of myself and my work ethic. If I get a bad grade, I feel being an older student, I am held in a higher regard than that of a regular college aged student because I am older and wiser. This is who I have always been, and you are taught that if you work hard and get good grades, then you will get a good job, but being pulled in so many directions, how is this even possible? I feel if one ball drops, then the momentum of the balls is just about to come crashing down at some point right? This makes me realize that I am alive, tomorrow is another day to get it right, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself all the time.

I am trying not to be too hard on myself as if still don't know the exact grade of my test as of yet, but I will take that as a lesson learned, and keep moving forward. I know this situation isn't going to be forever, but I want to do well, so I will keep doing my very best that I can and when situations arise, I will try to keep juggling so that all balls are in the air at one time.

I know that everyone has struggles (like myself) and we all deal with them differently. I am happy with my life now and how its is currently going. I know there are far too many people that have it way worse than I do, believe me I am not complaining at all. I am happy that I am pursuing my dream of being a teacher and I will graduate in December.

I love my crazy life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.