1. The Brain
This asshole is majoring in engineering and he won’t shut up about it. He’s very smart, kinda cool, getting good grades, and will not stop telling you about how hard his major is. No matter what the conversation, it somehow comes around to how much homework, tutoring, or studying he has to do. You've never once claimed that your major is harder than his but he makes sure to let you know it's not. We all just want to say hey Brain: shut up nerd.
2. Muffy
The Muffys of college are the girls who have weekly allowances from their parents specifically for Starbucks. They talk about being a broke college kid because that’s what everyone else does, but they have the entire color spectrum of Kendra Scott earrings and their football game-day attire comes exclusively from boutiques.
3. Buster
Buster is your freshman year potluck roommate that you really like but he stresses you the hell out. You don’t understand how comfortable he is with how little he studies. It’s not like he’s out partying like crazy, he just watches a lot of Netflix, doesn’t go to class, and is really messy. You ask him for updates on how his classes are going to try and parent him, but his nonchalant answers raise your blood pressure.
4. Francine
Francine is the b*tch who does the Johnny Manziel money-sign celebration after scoring a touchdown in intramurals. She has not mellowed out at all and she's somehow still as insanely competitive as she was in high school where she got ejected from the senior vs junior powderpuff game for tackling the other team's receiver.
5. Arthur
Arthur is the guy at the bar that buys the girl he’s politely hitting on a drink, and then watches sadly as she says goodbye and goes and gives the drink to her boyfriend. He’s nice but that’s about all he’s got going for him. He doesn’t understand that girls require more qualities than that and thus he always thinks he’s unfairly friend zoned.
6. Sue Ellen
Sue Ellen has traveled a lot. Her Instagram is filled with pictures of her having coffee on a mountain in Colorado, riding an elephant in Thailand, and relaxing in her Chacos in an Eno hammock on campus. You mock the hipsterness of her pictures to mask that fact that you really envy her and you know you’ll never be as cool or cultured as her.
7. Binky
Binky doesn’t actually go to your college. He followed his more goal oriented friends to the junior college that’s affiliated with your university. You met because you have a mutual friend that he went to high school with. Speaking of high school, has he told you all of his stories about senior year? He was really good at football and he drank a lot, but not during football season. He graduated high school with a solid 2.4 GPA because he didn't care and his teachers gave C’s to football players. You know he's already peaked, but his cockiness and pride tells you he hasn't figured that out yet.
8. D.W.
This is the person in your organization that’s always trying to take charge but doesn’t have the authority or the group’s respect to do so. They’re very dramatic, and they always need to voice their opinions. The people who are actually in charge of your organization hate them but pretend they don’t to preserve group unity. It's gotten to the point where everything they say annoys you. They could be like, "I saved a bunch of puppies from a fire last night" and you'd be like, "oh yeah, I bet you started the fire too."
