Well, here I am. As I sit in my room wondering why you made a fool of me, I remember all the times we sat there and laughed and had fun. Oh, the good times. I have accepted the fact that you didnāt want anything more than companionship, which was fine, but now that I know that you only said that to keep me at arm's length, I have something I wish I had said a long time ago.
I really wish you hadnāt hurt me and blamed your (literal) shortcomings on me. I really wish you hadnāt pretended to be interested in me for so long to keep me for when you wanted me. I really wish you hadnāt pretended that I meant anything to you just because you knew I wouldnāt question your ways and I would see the good in you. I really wish you hadnāt talked down to me like I was a young child who needed to learn about life. I really wish you hadnāt called me immature for wanting to be with you. Last, but not least, I wish you hadnāt let me waste time and feelings on you for your own selfish gain and ego boost.
I should have listened when people told me that you were not good for me, that I could do better with a much nicer boy. I should have noticed that there was a red flag when you would hang out with my friends and never let me meet yours because you āseparate your friend groups.ā I should have realized that I was a placeholder for the next girl, the girl you really wanted to hold in your arms and call your girl. I should have never fallen in love with you when I knew you were never planning on loving me back.
Looking back, I think I am better off now. I will be OK with time. I do not need to live the life of unconscious and uncertain wandering around at parties half conscious to find myself. I do not have to become a different person to make people like me because of confusion that I will not admit to. I have learned to be myself and to be a good person and to accept everyone who brings positivity into my life. I am, in essence, a strong, independent woman who doesnāt need a man to complete me. Thank you for helping me to realize that I deserve more than uncertainty and pain. You say that I am in a position that you were once in, and that you want to help me. I am not the one who needs to be helped. You have hurt me in so many ways that I didnāt know I could be hurt, so I hope you appreciate how you have been able to do something to me just for the sake of doing it. I am not angry, but disappointed in you for thinking that I was going to accept how poorly I was treated by you. I love myself and my supporters, not the ones who take me for granted and use me. I wish you the best of luck in finding yourself, and finding people who change you in positive ways.
