When one year ends and another starts just as quickly, thoughtful reflection seems to flood my mind. I’m the type of person who makes a list of the top five things I did in the previous year. Cliche, I know, but don’t worry, I don’t write it out in fancy typography and put it on Instagram. After thinking about the year I just went through, inevitably, I seem to move on to the upcoming year and tell myself how I can make it even better than every other year of my life thus far. So realistic, I'm aware. This brings me to a New Year’s resolution list. Unfortunately, the only thing this list truly shows me is how terrible I am at following through with the things I set out to do. I always seem to list things that sound smart and reasonable... eat healthier, work out, get involved in some type of social group, do more at church, be more intentional... and the list of things that sound like they will make me a better person goes on. The one thing that always gets put at the top of my list every year is to pray more. And every year I fail. But at least I’m consistent, right?

This year, I decided to stay far away from any promises of prayer. If I'm being honest, I'm tired of letting myself down. Don't get me wrong, I pray, and I’m most definitely not giving it up, but I think I have done myself a disservice by putting it on my new year’s resolution list over and over again next to frivolous things such as spending less money at Starbucks and having more self-control over the ridiculous amount of time I spend watching cat videos. See, I have looked at prayer as something separate from the rest of my life. And I can now openly admit, I've got it wrong.

Often Christians look at prayer as something they have to check off their daily responsibility list. Whether they are subconsciously doing this or not, it is an easy mentality to fall into. Morning prayer. Meal prayer. Nightly prayer. Sunday Prayer. Check. Well I have a secret. I’m what some may call a “bad Christian.” I don’t do this regular prayer routine. And since I’m being real with you, I will tell you, I always feel really bad about it, but why?

Just because I don’t pray at every meal doesn’t make me a bad Christian. Just because sometimes I fall asleep before I can even begin to think about praying doesn’t mean I don’t love the Lord. Spiritual disciplines are good. Having a prayer schedule may work for you. But I am here to tell you that praying just to pray is not what the Bible means when it commands us to pray. If you are stuck just going through the motions of your prayer routine, it may be time to rethink what prayer really means to you.

Prayer isn’t something that you should put on your New Year’s resolution list to add your already existing life. Don’t fall into the trap of being a compartmentalized Christian. Prayer is an entire lifestyle. It’s a choice. It’s a posture you live in when you are having the best day of your life and the one you revert to on the day you feel like curling up in a ball and never facing the world again. You don’t need a whole new year to enter into this lifestyle. You don’t need an over spiritualized moment where you feel God speaking to you. You don’t even need to drink the Kool-Aid. All you need is a willing heart that doesn’t give up easily, because, let’s be honest. It’s hard. We are stubborn. And we are our own worst enemies when it comes to change. So don’t feel bad when you fail. Don’t feel bad when you forget. And gosh darn it, don’t feel bad when next year comes around and you haven’t seen improvement! But do make an effort. Don’t grow faint in your journey and never give up. Because prayer isn't just something you should want to do this year. It's something you need. Trust me on this one.