"The self is deathless. Why?
Because life transforms into life—-
And love never dies."
Ursala Elizabeth Altomare

Death is something so unfamiliar yet so close to our hearts. Most feel that when someone close to them dies, a part of them dies as well. This past year, my family and I grieved over the loss of one of my mother's dearest friends.

We try to understand death. It can come so abruptly, unfairly, or naturally with time, but as humans, it's hard for us to accept the loss of someone we love. This was my first time losing someone dear and close to my family.

Although losing Ursala took a tremendous toll on all of us, it also helped me heal and showed me life in a different form.

Reassurance

Although they aren't with you physically, they are at peace: no longer in pain, no longer suffering. Reassure yourself that things will be okay. Your biggest enemy is your mind. Do not let yourself sit in a negative state, it's the worst possible thing you can do. Be happy with their newfound peace; it's the best way to heal.

Remember Them

Some people feel that if they don't think about the person who is newly passed, it will numb the pain. False. Celebrate their life! The memories and moments you have shared with that person are things to be thankful for. Looking at old pictures of Ursala and reflecting on the times we've shared makes me remember how beautiful of a human being she was.

Everything Takes Time

Healing takes time, and that is more than okay. The biggest pressure after losing someone is having to feel okay again. Every person takes their own separate time to grieve, and everyone grieves in different ways. Some days will suck more than others; you'll wake up and everything will hit you all over again. But, other days will be better. The sun will shine, and you'll know it's them up there breaking through the clouds.

Dealing With The Changes

At first, all of the pain will feel like open wounds. Dealing with the scars is something people struggle with. Change is inevitable, and after you lose someone, it feels almost impossible to move on without them. Every day you will wonder about them, what it would be like if they were still here. All of this is natural because this person will always be a part of your soul. Embrace this new change in a positive way.

Healing

Take this opportunity to use this experience positively. Grow. In all aspects. Appreciate the life you have every day. Be grateful for the people you're surrounded with. Take advantage of the opportunities in front of you. Never stop improving yourself; your lost loved ones would want to see you excel and progress! Carry on with them in your soul always, but don't let their non-physical presence bring you down any longer. They are with you always.

Death is difficult. If you've never experienced it, it may be one of the hardest situations you'll ever go through. What I can say is, it might be one of the most rewarding. Ursala's passing taught me to appreciate the valuable time and love we share for each other as people.

Before I dealt with this emotionally, I was always so quick to become angry or blame others. I learned that I can't and shouldn't do this. You cannot be unhappy because no one can truly make you happy but yourself.

You are the controller of your mind. Regardless of any advice or support others give you, if you don't want to help yourself, you will remain the same. That's a guarantee.

My hope is to continue growing. To continue watching my life flourish and to continue watching myself become someone, something. Ursala's vibrant spirit and positive energy still fills my house and inspires me to move forward daily. It is her that I have to thank for this newfound approach to life.

For you, Mom. Xoxo.