Star Wars. Do I really need to say anything else? I know I have your attention now. Hell, Star Wars currently has the world's attention. What's a Christmas? New Years, what? Nobody is talking about that crap. It's all about Star Wars. In a few short weeks, the world will stand still as "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" is released. However, as Star Wars fans, we do have to prepare ourselves for the worst. The worst being that the movie sucks or even is as bad as the prequel trilogy. As soon as the chill leaves your body that my previous sentence placed into you, you may want to have a coping mechanism in case of such a horrible turn of events were to take place. But have no fear: I have a few easy steps to keep you sane if the worst were to happen.
STEP ONE: Remember the positives of life.
I know if "The Force Awakens" is bad, you'll feel a heartbreak of mammoth proportions. However, remember there are still good things in the world. Such as The "Twilight" Series still being over or the fact Marvel is still putting out quality movies at the time this column has been written. That "Hello" song from Adele is out there. Go listen to it. That's good. Even outside of the media world, you can go out and enjoy some delicious Taco Bell. If you have a relationship partner you could still get a swell kiss from them. If your single, you can go out find someone. Focus on that. Just remember even if Star Wars breaks your heart, there is still a chance to be happy.
STEP TWO: Realize you have been here before.
If "The Force Awakens" smacks you across the face with its sheer ineptitude and you walk out the theatre with tears. Just remember you have been here before. The Star Wars prequels suck. Anybody who says otherwise is in denial or an assh*le. You know the feeling of Star Wars letting you down as a fan. This is not new territory. This may be a small consolation, but it's true. It can't possibly hit you as hard as "Phantom Menace" or "Attack of the Clones" did. So the blow may sting, but not nearly as bad. You know how to take it on the chin.
STEP THREE: Use your money on other things.
After you see "The Force Awakens" for the second time to make sure it really did suck as bad as you thought it did, you could use the money you were gonna spend on the 3rd, 4th and 17th screening you were going to see of it and use it on other things. You could take that person you like out on a date and pay for their meal at Red Lobster. You could could give your parents some money for birthing you and raising you for many years. You could give money a random stranger who looks like they are down on their luck this holiday season. Don't forget you could also use that money to tip your waiters, waitress and bartenders more. You could also head to Hangar 9 and use that money to drink the pain away. Also, luckily enough, it'll be released during the Christmas season. More gifts for loved ones and yourself. Star Wars sucking will actually help you and your wallet. That's called turning a negative into a positive.
STEP FOUR: Remember it's just a movie.
Yeah, sure, the original Star Wars Trilogy is one of the most influential pieces of art ever. But that doesn't mean the world is over if "The Force Awakens" sucks. It's only mildly over and the death of the inner remnants of your innocence. At the end of the day, it's just a movie. "Deadpool" will be out in a couple of months. That could be fun. We can move on. We'll limp as we move on, but we'll be able to move on.
STEP FIVE: We still have the original trilogy.
At the end of the day, we will always have that original trilogy. Those three movies will always be there, and I honestly believe they cannot be ruined. Hell, I've even grown up to block out the prequels. I even zone out during the horrible additions George Lucas put into the trilogy with the special editions. We can all remember the moment we fell in love with Star Wars. For me, I fell in love with Star Wars during the Binary Sunset scene from a "New Hope." Those memories are locked down forever. No matter how bad "The Force Awakens" can be, it can't ruin that trilogy. We can still love Star Wars, and at the end of the day, that's all that really matters in this scenario. The Force can't really awaken 'cause it has been alive from the moment we viewed the original trilogy. Hold on to this and the four other notions, and you should make it out of #StarWarsDisaster2015.
