While I do consider myself somewhat fashionable, sometimes I see fashion trends that surprise me. Where do these trends originate, and most importantly, why? You may end up hating me up by the end of this article but, hey, the truth hurts. Like I said, I am semi-fashionable so I will do my best to name and describe the fashion trends I have seen at State that just need to stop. Seriously.
Printed leggings.
You have seen them. Those leggings with patterned stripes or black and white zebra stripes do not look that good, sorry. Maybe at a zoo or Woodstock they might be, but not at State. Stick to solid colors for a great match with your wardrobe.
Flowery loose pajama pants.
Every time I see these pants I'm instantly reminded of MC Hammer's "Baby Got Back" pajama pants. Except, of course, these are the hippy flowery version of parachute pants.
Ripped pants.
Did you buy those pants already pre-ripped? Yeah, maybe you should go back and return them.
High-waisted shorts from the '80s.
Lots of awesome things happened in the '80s, but these shorts are not one of them. Trust me, they do not need to come back.
Super loose and short tops?
This recent trend makes girls look like they have put no effort whatsoever into getting dressed. Match this with those high-waisted 80s shorts and you have a look not even Kim K would wear.
Super short "butt bottom" shorts.
As any other heterosexual 20-something male, I am a big fan of short shorts. But enough's enough when half your butt is hanging out for everyone and their mother to see. There is a fine line between sexy and obscene and these "butt bottom" shorts cut it a bit too close.
Spiky necklaces
I think the real name for these is chokers? Regardless of the name, some things are best left in the '90s for Amanda Bynes to wear.
Man buns.
Slap one of these on Brad Pitt and it looks good. Do it on the average guy at State, not so good. But the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what do I know?
Bell bottom pants from the '60s.
If history teaches us anything, it is to learn from it or we doom ourselves to repeat it. This is an example of this idea.
Stickers on baseball caps. I have never understood this one. You take off your tags and stickers for pants, shirts and everything else, so why would you leave it on for something that goes on your head?
Really high huge Air Jordans, or whatever.
Another one I have never understood. These shoes look horrible, especially when you are trying to match them up with something non-athletic, like a suit or formal attire. Best save these for your next IFC intramural basketball game.
Big huge watches.
These are basically really big pointless bracelets for guys. Watches are now obsolete due to the availability of cell phones and, chances are, you don't even know how to read a clock!
Lots and lots of rings/bracelets.
Bracelets and rings are cute on girls, but when your entire forearm jingles and clinks when you walk, perhaps you should reconsider the amount of jewelry you're wearing.
Emo lipstick.
You will be as approachable as an Anton LaVey goth working at a Hot Topic store in the mall.
Huge fat earrings
I think there is an actual name for these. I think these are the ones that hipsters wear that leave a huge gaping hole in your earlobe, but I cannot remember. Not hot, though.
Sunglasses with slits.
While these may look pretty cool in an LMFAO Party Rock music video, avoid these in real life, please.
Cute animal, superhero or cartoon character backpacks.
What are we, in fifth grade again? You are supposed to be in college, not in elementary school. Act like it.
Droopy Mariachi hats.
I actually do like these, but only when there is a Del Mar Thoroughbred race you are going to and it goes well with your beautiful sundress. Which, by the way, I happen to be very fond of. Otherwise, leave these droopy hats home and wait 'til next summer.
Uggs. More like Ughs. I simply do not see the struggle to keep your feet warm in 75-degree San Diego weather.
Freshman ID collar things
There is probably nothing worse than being labeled a freshman. So, do not go out and actively advertise yourself as one by wearing these lanyards you received at orientation.
Indiana Jones hats (fedoras).
No. Just no, Sherlock Holmes.
So there you have it! Cannot wait to check all the hate mail in my inbox. But I would like to state that I do believe I speak for a majority of male students at State with this list. At least, I sure hope so!
You stay classy, San Diego!