’Tis the season, and with all of the holiday cheer comes no small amount of stressful shopping. But fear not! As daunting as shopping can be this time of year, there are a number of small tips and tricks to make your gift-hunting escapades as painless as possible.

1. Talk to your friends and family about gifts

One surefire way to make sure you’re on the right track is to openly ask friends and family about what they’d like to receive. This way, you’ll have an idea of what they’re interested in, and it may even open up other options for presents that you’d not considered!

2. Keep a list of gifts for your friends and family

Depending on how many people you have to shop for, it’s a good idea to keep a list of the gifts you’ve bought and the gifts you intend to buy. A list can keep you organized and keep you sane.

3. Keep an eye out for gifts that your friends and family might enjoy

Sometimes loved ones talk about things that they might enjoy as gifts. Maybe a relative keeps talking about a book they’d like to read? A younger sibling has expressed interest in a game? Keep an eye out for context clues, and you might just find the perfect gift.

4. Keep an eye on your friends and family

In fact, why not go a step further? Rather than just keep an eye out for context clues, just keep an eye on those close to you. They might subconsciously reveal what they want for Christmas. Don’t let them out of your sight!

5. Screen their mail

“Isn’t that illegal?” I hear you ask. Well, legality is nothing before finding the perfect gift! Screening your friends and family’s mail is a good way to both stay on the look out for gift ideas and to make sure that they didn’t accidentally buy your other loved ones the same gift you were planning! In fact, on that note…

6. Disconnect their internet!

Since online shopping is so popular, it’s not surprising that people tend to take advantage of sales and easy shipping online. Cut their access to the internet to prevent your dear ones from preventing you from giving the ultimate gift.

7. Slash their car tires

Just to be absolutely sure that your friends and family can’t accidentally buy the gift you were planning on giving them, you should probably just make sure that they can’t buy the wrong gift. Making sure they never leave the house is a great start!

8. Lock them in their homes

Let’s be reasonable here: the only way you can absolutely make sure they don’t buy the wrong thing is to make sure that they can’t buy anything, and the only way to ensure that is to make sure that they can never leave. Lock them in their homes to ensure that nothing can wrong.

9. Hit the stores early!

You might be busy kidnapping your friends and family and preventing them from contacting the outside world, but that’s no excuse for not getting your shopping done! Make sure to hit the shops early to avoid crowds! Besides, the faster you can get your shopping done, the faster you can keep an eye on your captiv…er, loved ones.

10. Ignore the sounds of their sobbing!

There’s nothing like the sound of crying to ruin the holiday spirit. Drown out their pitiful wails with the sounds of cheerful holiday tunes, like “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!” They’ll be sure to thank you someday.

11. Celebrate Christmas with the friendly doctors in white uniforms!

Wow, those nice folks in the spiffy uniforms sure are friendly! It’s a shame that they let your friends and family go, but look on the bright side: now you have a lot more free time to chat with the voices that no one else can hear!