My father told me he was gay when I was 13. He said he had known ever since he was a little boy. Growing up Catholic in North Carolina did not present the most welcoming of circumstances for a gay man. For a lot of people, it is difficult to understand how a gay man could marry a woman and have children, but it is a lot more common than one might think. Most of my girlfriends are ecstatic when I tell them I have a gay dad; most of my guy friends are uncomfortable.
First, let me explain to you what it is not: It does not just mean I have a "cool dad" who goes shopping with me and that we get our nails done together (although, occasionally, that is what we do).
This is what it is like: Harnessing my anger when I hear about hate crimes against the LGBT community. Resisting tears hearing about kids of the LGBT community committing suicide because of bullying. Biting my tongue when someone tells me that being gay, transgender, bisexual, etc. is "wrong, immoral, sick." Watching the confused look on a person's face when I try to explain why my dad stayed in the closet for 20 years and started a family as a straight man. Feeling hurt and frustrated when people actually believe gays set bad examples for their kids. Being teased in grade school and, at that time, feeling ashamed.
I refuse to fight against the ignorance because I know what it is actually like having a gay dad: wonderful. I love watching him love my stepdad fully and wholeheartedly, no differently than two straight people would. Having a married gay dad means I get to have not only one intelligent, warm-hearted dad, but two. My dad, as a writer and advocate for the LGBT community, has become a resource and beacon of hope for lesbians and gays all around the world enduring the same struggle he did, and he encourages them to be open about who they are. As for changes in my life? I have become accepting and welcoming of all, regardless of how different they may be from me.
The relationship my father and I have today did not come easily, but it sure was worth it. Through a lot of counseling, tears and love, he became not only a parent but a best friend. I am not sure if we became closer because he came out of the closet, but by showing his authentic self, our bond strengthened. He does not fit the stereotypical "gay man," but we certainly do enjoy our lunch dates at Chipotle and nights out on the town together. Our relationship is no different than any other father and daughter. He still calls me every so often to make sure I am focusing on my studies, taking care of myself and staying away from boys and parties. (Sorry, Dad.)
Having a gay dad is so much more than meets the eye, but I would not have it any other way.
Left to right: my stepdad (Paul), me and my father (Bill).
