My therapist says I'm a perfectionist. I never truly understood what those words meant until I started paying attention to my behaviors. He even gave me a packet on what it means to be the way that I am. I have a packet that tells me about myself; it lists every little meticulous thing about me. It is as if this packet has known me for my entire life.

I don't know if I have always been this way, but I suppose I don't really care. It is how I am now. The first thing in this packet is written in big bold letters: Perfectionism Defined. Okay... so, what is perfectionism? Well, according to my handy little packet, the first definition of perfectionism is "the relentless striving for extremely high standards (for yourself and/or others) that are personally demanding." This one line suck out to me a little bit. Possibly because I have always known that I have incredibly high standards of myself, but I never thought of that as a bad thing. It's good to push yourself, right?

The second definition given is "judging your self-worth based largely on your ability to strive for and achieve such unrelenting standards." As a perfectionist, this packet tells me that in my own eyes, I equate my worth with my ability to complete tasks. If I cannot do it, I see myself largely as a failure. While I was reading through the packet, I wasn't sure if this was true or not. I do not think that I set unrealistic goals for myself, so when I don't achieve them, sure--I'm upset. I think that's fair.

The third definition is "experiencing the negative consequences of setting such demanding standards, yet continuing to go for them despite the huge cost to you."

Perfectionism seems to be such a fragile thing. It says that because I like to make lists, I don't like to fail. I like to make sure I look presentable. I like to make sure my work is the best that I can possibly make it.

I don't see these as perfectionist qualities. I mean, sure, I'm a little bit obsessive when it comes to school work. That is because I want to do well and be successful. Sure, I'm a little bit afraid of failure. Who isn't? Failure is a scary thing.

He asked me if I ever get upset with myself when I fail to reach a certain goal. I said yes. Who wouldn't? He then told me to read more of my handy little packet.

I feel as if perfectionism is relative to the person. I don't expect myself to be able to breathe underwater. I do expect myself to put my best effort into my course work at school, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

There is a fine line between a good and bad amount of perfectionism. In the negative sense, perfectionism is bad when you become obsessive over a certain outcome that is not always logical. In a positive sense, perfectionism allows you to push yourself to achieve better than you thought possible.