When I’m walking alone at night, I don’t go the way that will be shorter, but rather take the route with the most light. If I’m on the street at night and it’s only me and a male, I am instantly scared. The man could’ve just called his Grandma to wish him a happy birthday. He could’ve just sent his mom flowers just because he missed her. He could’ve just have gotten off the phone with his girlfriend and just said, “I love you.”
And what I assume is that he may want to hurt me. That he may not be a good guy.
I want to believe everyone is good, but when one is alone at night - it’s hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt. When a girl is walking alone night - she assumes the worst because there is no such thing as being too safe.
When I walk past a guy and he didn’t touch me or even yell anything at me -- I’m washed with relief.
When I walk on campus alone at night, I suddenly think of all the emails and alerts that I have received in the past. Sexual assault here. Sexual assault there. How long will it be until I’m the victim warning others on campus?
When I am alone at night, I am cursing myself. Why did I come out? Why didn’t I leave sooner? I look at my outfit to make sure what I am wearing is deemed appropriate, because I know that if I do get hurt, one of the first things that would be asked would be, “What was she wearing?”
The night is so beautiful with the bright moon and sea of stars. But it’s hard to get caught in the beauty when you are full of fear.
Because when it’s dark - people lurk and people get hurt.
If I’m with a group, walking with a guy I trust, all is alright and I don’t think of the worst that could happen. But when I walk alone at night, all my senses are aware--the man walking slowly in front of me, the footsteps I hear behind me, or the voices I hear being carried in the wind.
Rape. Assault. Rape. Assault. Rape. Assault. Those words play back to back in my mind.
I keep my eyes wandering. I have my mace tightly locked in my hand, and I’m hoping for the best.
Hoping and praying that I can make it one more night without being another victim, another statistic.
People may rebuttal all that I am saying, downplaying what I am feeling. They may offer, “Well then don’t go out alone at night.”
But it’s not that simple.
I study, I work -- these things run late. I have a right to be out, to have a life. I can’t just stay in and miss out on life due to fear -- but that doesn’t mean that fear isn’t there or that the fear isn’t real.
If you are shaking your head at me for being scared, then you are shaking your head at the wrong person.
