For the past decade, the Buckeyes have absolutely dominated in the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry. The stakes just aren’t what they used to be. But if there is one thing I still believe in, it is kicking your enemy when they are down and finding new things to victimize them for. Here are eight more reasons to hate that state up north:

1) Their colors are maize and blue. It doesn’t take a genius or fashion major or person with eyes to identify this combination as absolutely heinous. Honestly, I think the only thing they could do to make themselves uglier at this point is switch from spandex to jorts and instate a team wide pedostache policy. 

2) Also, “maize?” Your colors are corn and blue? Corn? I’m sorry Michigan but corn isn’t even your thing. Places known for corn are Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, and OHIO. The only thing you’re known for is Detroit and sadness. 

3) Their state is shaped like an oven mitt, which reinforces traditional gender roles. Michigan hates women. 

4) Their state is shaped like a right-handed oven mitt. Did you know that 10% of the population is dominantly left-handed? Some people don’t have hands. Some don’t even have ovens. Does Michigan hate the needy? 

5) It’s surrounded by the Great Lakes, which are responsible for our horrendous snowstorms and sometimes many days of cancelled class. Michigan hates education. 

6) They are startlingly close to Canada. A map tells us the state of Michigan shares a border with Ontario both east and north, which can only lead to one question: Where does your allegiance truly lie, Michigan, and why do you hate America? 

7) They suck.  It kind of takes the thrill out of it when each rivalry game has the competitive intensity of a chess match between us and a cool ranch Dorito. Honestly, guys, it’s getting a little exhausting.

8) Their mascot is a fancy weasel.