After 14 years of being an only child, never in my pre-highschool years did I imagine I would be a sister. From the time I was nine, I knew my parents had abandoned the idea of ever giving me a sibling. They made it clear several times. Good thing, too, because I knew siblings weren’t for me.

Then it happened.

My mom came to pick me up from my grandma’s house after school, just like all the other days. I was in 8th grade. She said she had something very important and exciting to tell me. Could it be a dog? Were we moving somewhere warm? Was a fun family vacation on the horizon? Disney World?

“I’m pregnant” left her mouth.

Tears. Lots of them. All from me. As much as I would like to tell you they were tears of joy, they were not. This was my automatic response unfortunately. Tears of sadness. So many thoughts were rushing through my head.

Being an only child for 14 years seemed right. It was comfortable because it was all I knew. I had mom and dad’s attention all to myself. It was always about me. Now it’s all over? What if the baby’s crying wakes me up at night? What if it’s a girl? I would much rather have a brother. How was I going to survive?

My mom had yet to tell my dad, so we drove to his work to give them the news. I walked over to a separate corner of the office, yes, still in tears as my mom told him. He was very happy, except my misery had put a damper on it. (Sorry dad.)

Over time I came to terms with it. Then we found out I would be having a little sister. GREAT. A girl. I was not girly at the time and the thought of having a little girly girl running around, asking me about girly things that I had no girly interest in did not excite me.

The next few months were filled with catering to my mom’s cravings, receiving presents and prepping for my sister’s arrival. My parents had decided on the name Livia. I had to admit... I liked it.

Then on October 4th, 2011, Liv arrived. Granted, I was very uneasy about holding her or doing anything important with her care. I was afraid of doing something wrong. I wasn’t exactly an expert at this whole sister thing. I was VERY inexperienced when it came to interacting with small children. I got the hang of it eventually. I would take all sorts of pictures with her, change her diapers and make her bottles. I felt like a baby expert.

Attention was shifted away from me for awhile, and rightfully so. Once Liv hit all those milestones of talking, walking and breaking objects, life started to settle down, until I got some more news shortly after I began my sophomore year of high school.

My mom was pregnant…again.

No, I did not cry out of misery. I took it much better this time around. My parents had talked about having another child but I had never heard the verdict. Being a little older, I worried about other things like my parents supporting me and them and still having time for themselves.

My worries soon melted away on October 10, 2013 when my newest little sister Lily arrived. I was a pro at caring for babies now.

Looking back on it all, I feel so foolish about previously never wanting siblings, especially sisters. They bring me so much joy. Liv is now 4 and Lily is 2. To them I’m Setty, the rockstar big sister who’s away at college for a bit. They’ve taught me more than some adults have. Although there are some sibling activities we cannot partake in (i.e. share clothes, fight about substantial matters, have a rivalry, etc.) they have shown me the gift of being a big sister. Seeing their admiration for me and my accomplishments is amazing. It has been nothing short of an enlightening experience and I could not imagine a life with my little nuggets.

Unfortunately, the time I’ll be the physically present will be slim to none, but I have plenty of photos and stories to share with them. No matter how far I am, we’ll always have our sisterly bond holding us close.