Brace yourself, because this is going to be filled with lots and lots of rambling because to be honest, I don't know how I could ever put all of my thoughts and feelings toward you into words or sentences that make any sense.
I remember growing up around the stigma that two people, a girl and a guy, couldn't be just friends. They had to be doing something on the side, or they had to have feelings for one another. No one was ever satisfied with a girl and a guy being just friends. And that's flat out annoying to me, because you're just my friend. We don't want to be in a relationship, nor is anything sexual going on. Our friendship has intimacy, of course, but of the sweet, deep love kind. You're only my friend, my best friend.
And you're a guy.
Who cares, though, that my best friend is a guy? Because you're freaking awesome. You always look at me with those compassionate eyes, as if you understand everything that's going on in my head. You hold me when I'm crying with the gentlest of arms, telling me you love me and that everything gets better. You listen to me complain and rant and vent about the same thing over and over again, and still give me genuine advice each time. You don't get annoyed, and you don't become fed up. You listen, and you provide. You treat me like a normal human being, never underestimating me because I'm a woman. You push me to be a better person, reminding me always of my greatest attributes. You make me believe them, too, because you know that, just because I may not see them now, I will soon. You support me in every crazy, random, dumb decision I make because you know, regardless of your opinion, my spontaneous self is going to do it anyway.
You give me the most blunt, honest and true advice possible because you're not afraid of how I may react. You know that I need the tough love sometimes, and you only do it because you want what's best for me. That's another thing. You want what's best for me. So you continue to point me in the right direction when I become lost because, let's face it, we're sophomores in college and hell, I barely know what I want to wear to class that day...or if I'm even going to go to class that day.
You also always know what to say. When I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry as all hell, or when I'm having the greatest of days, you always have the words to keep me going. You also know me inside and out. Whether it's analyzing when I text you good morning vs a long good morning text, or if it's me trying not to make a big deal out of something, you always know something's on my mind, and you make a point to either talk through it, or help me get over it.
Our relationship is so childlike in a sense, too, because we literally stay up until 2 a.m. "New Girl" on Netflix and even taking quizzes on which character we are (yes, we both got Jess, and yes, I understand you're the real Jess, and to "shove off poser"). And because of this relationship we have, you know me for the true me. You're undoubtedly one of the few guys who have ever seen me cry, and with that, you've seen me without makeup, too. And let me tell you, that is rare. You don't see the persona I may have when I'm around some people or in certain situations. You see the real and true me, and because of that, you know everything that makes me tick, and everything that makes me happy.
Another thing I absolutely love about you is how down right goofy we can be together. We literally talk all day every day about absolutely nothing and we're just funny. People probably think we're crazy but it's OK. Like remember all the times I remind you about our TOTALLY AWESOME BUCKET LIST for sophomore year and you get super excited, sending me like six text messages in a row because you're really that excited and forgot about the list? Or when we were both really hungry and craving sweets and I kindly reminded you that I had peanut butter Oreos and you jokingly yelled at me saying, "WOW I NEED THOSE." Or when it was your birthday last semester, and we were in a random room at the guys' house SLAPPING THE BAAAAAG and I kept screaming at you, pushing you to do more because, ya know, you're my boy. And how we've made pacts that if we're to meet someone this year, we have to meet them and approve, cause we're each other's wingman. And let's not forget about all those nights we have planned to make...wait for it...QUESADILLAS! Yeah, we're great.
And in the end, my guy best friend, I just hope you know how much you mean to me. You have brought so much joy, fun and happiness to my life. You never fail to make me feel better on the worst of days, and you only make my greatest days better. I know that the bond we have is unbreakable, and that it's going to last for a very long time. You're gonna probably be my children's godfather, so you better be thinking about staying around for a while. And we'll take turns babysitting each other's kids, even though that's honestly probably the worst idea because we know how corrupt our children are going to be because of each of us...oh well.
I just love you a lot, baby bird. I don't even know where that nickname came from, must've been one of those crazy drunken nights. Thank you for being a bright light in my life, and for giving me another person to live for. I love you so much, Conner McCain. Thank you for being my guy best friend.
