I'm not into all the labels for everything these days. Personally, I think people should just be whoever they want to be! You shouldn't have to explain who you are to anyone else. Until I recently discovered the term: demisexual, I didn't understand the appeal of labels. Finding a term to describe yourself makes you feel like you're not alone; it helped reassure me that I'm not a freak. And it just makes it generally easier to define who you are quickly.
According to Demisexuality.org, demisexuality is defined as: a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond.
Now everyone is a different person with different circumstances and preferences, but that's the general basis of the term. This doesn't mean that everybody I emotionally bond with, I jump into bed with. But having that connection is a prerequisite for a sexual relationship.
I've never understood how people can have one night stands or have sex with someone they aren't in love with. It's not about me disagreeing with "hook-up culture" — that's become a part of the stereotypical college experience, although I know that not everybody takes part in this — but when I went to parties and guys hit on me, I felt awkward. I wanted nothing to do with them.
Until I came to college and heard stories from my friends, I didn't know that it was normal to be sexually attracted to celebrities or people you meet at a party. I have always had to love someone to think of them sexually. When I hit puberty, I didn't have raging sexual urges. I've never gotten into masturbating, probably because I don't love myself (which is a whole different issue). But I've never desired someone solely for their body — neither celebrities or people I've met.
Demisexual doesn't mean that you're blind to beauty. I'll admit that many "stereotypically popular" people are gorgeous: Channing Tatum, Adam Levine, Beyonce, Ryan Reynolds, and Emma Watson are all very good looking people ... but nothing makes me attracted to them. My favorite famous people are ones with great senses of humor and endearing, quirky personalities: Jenna Marbles, Casey Abrams, Jennifer Lawerence, Chris Pratt. The same is true for people I meet in real life. Attractive guys and girls who are rude and cocky aren't as good-looking to me as my hilarious, confident friends.
I didn't realize that these things weren't the norm for other kids my age. I just didn't really have an interest in sex until the first time I thought I fell in love. Even when I am in love with someone, I don't just want to have sex to have sex. And I definitely don't want to have sex constantly. To me, having sex is all about expressing how much I love someone and connecting in an extremely intimate way. This requires you to be extremely vulnerable with someone, which I can't do unless I think I love them.
I didn't search for the label of demisexual, it found me. Even though I'm not a huge fan of labels for people, I like the idea that I'm not alone. It's reassuring to know that other people, especially ones close to my age, are also interested in sex only after they form an emotional bond with someone.