I have already finished season two of Orange is the New Black and now I don’t know what to do with my life.

This season was explosive. Not a second went by during an episode that I wasn’t on the verge of completely loosing my mind. From the first episode, we had Piper getting shipped off in a plane and it wasn’t even ten minutes in! Crazy Eyes flipped an evil switch, Red had her rise and fall (or fall and rise, in this case) and we all grew to loathe Alex Vause even more and she was barely there. Season two blew the first season out of the water and I need to talk about it.

Excuse me, Alex? Did you scrape your knees when you crawled out of hell? My heart could not stand to watch Piper fall for all of Alex’s lies just to get epically screwed over time and time again. I can’t tell if Alex has good intentions with Piper and the plan always gets messed up, or she is just that evil. Way to get Piper trapped in Litchfield longer, Vause. But we all saw that season finale, and they’re comin for ya, Alex.   

Brook Soso. Soso. You poor, naïve little hippie. Seeing this doe-eyed girl run her mouth a thousand words a minute to the women of Litchfield gets me irritated for them (and scared for her). Though Soso seems somewhat harmless yet extremely annoying, I’m curious to learn more about this jailbird. All we have learned about her so far is her passion for activism and the fun story of how she got her name (Brooke Shields… the unusual spelling… wow, crazy).   

Red, you are the queen of all queens. I love this woman as much as I am afraid of her because she does not take crap from a-n-y-b-o-d-y. Watching her struggle in the beginning of the season killed me. She was lost without her kitchen and her hair was a mess. Things weren’t working out. I’m so glad she took to Sophia’s salon to revamp her look and take back her power. With some kind words and good food, Red was able to settle her ties with her Litchfield fam and all became right in the world again. In the midst of her manipulation, Vee tried to put Red in her place but thank the high heavens Red knew how to fight back (and spit back). Red proved herself this season. I once thought she was just talk. Turns out she's brains, too.   

Morello. Holy. Shit. I had always been confused as to why Lorna Morello was in prison. Then the episode “A Whole Other Hole” happened this past season and now I 110% understand why she’s incarcerated. Not only was she committing major credit card fraud, but it turns out Morello is a psychopath, as well. Am I not the only one who thought she was really going to marry Christopher?! Watching her cry on the pay phone was too much for my heart to handle, but then she stole the prison van and I was one more dramatic twist away from a heart attack. Seeing her dance around in Prada heels during her back-story was cute and all, but what I really want to see is more of her and Christopher’s past. He seemed to have a few choice words for her during his surprise visit. Yet, I can only wonder what she has done to make him say those things... Aside from the whole escaped-jail-to-break-into-your-home event.    

For a fictional character, Vee got under my skin like no other. That woman has evil written all over her face. We met Vee in “Looks Blue, Tastes Red” and at the time, she didn’t seem too bad. But then, we got to know her and turns out she is the picture underneath the definition of villain. She messed with Taystee's head (who then fell under Vee’s spell in Litchfield), she threaten Poussey (NOT OKAY), she got Watson sent to shu and she made Crazy Eyes go crazy in the worst way possible. I’m forever grateful that Miss Rosa gave Vee just what she deserved. And on a sidenote, so glad Miss Rosa got out of there. Though, if there is anything that the season one finale of Orange taught me, is that no one is actually dead until the next season airs.