It’s that time of the year again! Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and nothing beats mashed potatoes and Packer football. Christmas is close, too! So turn up that Josh Groban Christmas album and re-watch "Elf"like it’s your job! But, all that glorious stuffing and all those wonderful Christmas jams can easily be ruined. Questions from relatives can put a damper on the holiday. Questions no one can properly handle. Questions not even the cruelest of individuals should ever have to face. (Just kidding, I can think of a couple people that wouldn't get my sympathy while they were suffering through #HolidayInterrogation.) We've all been there, but getting through it isn't as hard as you might think. So, get ready, folks! Put up those Christmas lights, prep that turkey, and make sure your grandma knows you’re still single!
Instead of going with the “Haha yeah! My life is as big of a joke as it was when I saw you at Easter!,” here are some options for your next holiday family party. Take a stand, and be strong! Together, we will get through this.
Question: Any boys in your life?
Answer: Yes! Last week, I made eye contact with the cute boy I spotted in Starbucks. It’s moving pretty quickly, but I’m happy, and that’s all that really matters.
Question: How are your grades?
Answer: Why do you just assume that I’ve gotten anything less than an A on an assignment? That’s pretty offense to me and my intelligence. Don’t be rude, Aunt [insert relative name here]. I’m gonna walk away now.
Question: Are you studying every night?
Answer: I fall asleep on my computer sometimes. And I cry into my textbooks at least once a day. So yes!
Question: Are you drinking too much?
Answer: More like not ENOUGH! Haha. Sorry, Grandma.
Question: What are you going to do when you graduate?
Answer: I’ll be really busy paying off my student loans! I won’t have time for much else ha ha ha.
Question: Are you keeping your apartment clean?
Answer: Funny you ask that! My roommates and I have taken after Snow White. We let the fruit flies do most of the cleaning.
Question: Are you eating?
Answer: I maintain a balanced diet, consisting mostly of peanut butter (preferred on a spoon), Kit-Kats, and frozen pizza.
Question: Do you have a warm enough jacket? It's getting cold out!
Answer: I love to layer. I’ve started this campus-wide trend where you wear absolutely everything in your closet. You know, like the "Friends" episode, "The One Where No One's Ready"? I've found it to be pretty successful, mostly because people look too scared to actually talk to me. This is a LIFESAVER when you forget your headphones and hate interacting with people.
Question: Are you saving enough money?
Answer: Enough for boxed wine and McDonald's breakfast. It's ALL DAY.
Special thanks to the Brauer Family #CousinCult for inspiring this article with their personal experiences and for giving it such LIFE!