Yes, I'm sarcastic. And yes, most of what I have to say should be taken with a grain handful of salt. But no, I am not a complete a**hole.

Sarcasm is like its own language. When you're fluent in English, it feels unnatural to try and speak anything else. Well, it's the same with sarcasm. Attempting to not be sarcastic would feel just as unnatural and, honestly, most of us just don't have the motivation to censor ourselves. But something most people don't understand is that being sarcastic doesn't make us jerks. Some of us are probably the nicest people you'll ever meet, but if you don't get our humor...welllllll you might not think so.

So, in an attempt to help you better understand my sarcastic brethren and I, here are the things you need to know when trying to be friends (or even just trying to have a single conversation) with us.

1. You can't take everything we say so seriously.

If you're going to survive being around us, you need to learn not to take everything to heart. We're not trying to be mean and we're not trying to hurt anyone's feelings; sarcasm is just our default setting. If you can respect that, cool. If not, then you should probably invest in some heavy duty ear plugs for your own good.

2. Give us a taste of our own medicine.

It's like Christmas morning when you can meet our sarcasm with your own instead of getting offended. Seriously, we love it; the more sarcastic the better. It not only shows us that you have thick skin, but it also shows us that you're witty enough to meet us comment for comment.

3. We think we're hilarious.

We may keep a straight face most of the time, but on the inside we're laughing and applauding our own cleverness. What you have to understand is that even if you don't think our sarcasm is funny, we do (because it is, obviously).

4. We do actually have emotions.

Somewhere deep, deep down, and then a little deeper than that, we have feelings. Actual, honest-to-God feelings. Shocking, right? But yes, they're there, they exist and sometimes sarcasm is our way of masking them.

5. Meeting new people can be difficult.

If I'm meeting you for the first time, I don't know your sarcasm tolerance level. You're either going to think I'm super awesome and funny (which I just so happen to be) or you're going to think I'm a raging bitch. It's just a risk I have to take in the name of sarcastic expression.

6. We can be serious.

Yeah, most of the time we're being sarcastic and joking around, but we can be serious if you need us to be. We're going to be blunt with you, so just tell us when you need us to take something seriously; we'll listen.

If you can remember at least a few of these things, maybe you'll be able to last through a conversation with us. Then again, after all of this you still might think we're a**holes. Oh well. I tried.