Forget gift cards, they're too impersonal. Sure, they're practical in today's society, where no one wants to get anyone anything real for fear that Grandma won't want a skateboard or a new Walkman to listen to her stories on. Let's keep going with this for a moment, though.

You've known Grandma for your whole life, but do you really know her? Grandma wants wire-framed photos of her grandchildren, if they exist, or intricate glass curios for her easily breakable cabinet, not a piece of plastic she has to go online to activate and then to the store to use. Receiving a gift card basically translates to “Merry Christmas, Granny. You loved me all my life, but go shop for yourself. I know your hip’s been giving you trouble, but rub some Christmas dirt in it and head over to the teenager-infested mall for some yoga pants.” Would you say that to the woman who put up with your damned rock ‘n’ roll music for the last 18 years, assuming you exited the womb plucking scales on a Gibson SG made of muscle tissue? Despite all this, grandmas are easier to buy for than other family members.

College students, on the other hand, are more difficult, because they’re separate from the family for most of the year. Getting them any sort of technological anything is a waste of hard-earned money because, even though you’re hoping they’ll talk to you more having received said electrical doo-dad, they’re undoubtedly more concerned with Internet memes than how little sis’ krump dance recital went. That being said, here are a few cheap, last-minute gift ideas for that degree seeker in your life, who will actually be better off having received your seemingly terrible gift.

Plastic bags

This gift is a no-brainer and comes practically free with the real gifts you got the other people you actually knew how to shop for. These bags not only serve as a protective shield for Easy Macs, Ramen, and other staples in the college diet, but alternatively, a means of containing all of the garbage students create from these delicious, instant "meals." And if you're somehow not convinced that plastic bags can hold more than food and garbage, they're also a great place to store plastic bottles your student's too lazy to recycle and eight-page essays they B.S.'d the night before.

When it comes time to shop for the next wave of both college miseries and successes in either August or January, a trash can is always a necessity, assuming your student gave keeping the last one functional the old college try. Regardless whether or not you pick out the best trash can in existence, finding trash bags that fit it perfectly is like finding beaded curtains that make their dorm room look less like a prison cell. Can't be done. Plastic bags, however, magically fit over the rim of any sensibly sized trash can, because the addition of a 20-gallon receptacle to their already overstuffed room significantly decreases the amount of space they have for activities. And if you don't slam-dunk your discarded water bottles into the plastic bag, it won't fall. It'll catch you. It'll be waiting, time after time.

Cardboard boxes

Keeping with the theme of things you can put other things into, cardboard boxes are often looked down upon in today's society, even though they serve as rad breakdance mats when flattened and can hold a fraction of your worldly possessions at a time. Also, the rise of plastic totes have further pushed cardboard boxes into the dark, despite the fact that cardboard boxes are superior. Sure, they turn to oatmeal when wet, but they're collapsible, allowing for easy storage.

Alternatively, plastic totes are stackable, but then your starving student not only has a Pringles-like mass of inedible plastic on their hands but also considerably less space because of it. Goodbye, activities. Also, consider that, with the rise of online shopping, there'll be a sizable amount of these precious cubes folded up in a corner somewhere in the house. Pull a few out of the surplus and wrap 'em up. Merry Christmas, college student. Put your finals tears in this and receive salty oatmeal in return. A guaranteed Christmas miracle every time.

Mechanical pencil lead

Whether your knowledge-hungry child, friend, or part-time job acquaintance is an avid artist who values the sleek precision of mechanical pencil lead or is just someone who hasn't heard of pens, this little, plastic block of glory is your ticket to an assured thank-you note written in that fancy, new lead. Hopefully it doesn't smudge in the mail and get sent to someone else who would undoubtedly also admire the line quality and dependability that mechanical pencil lead has to offer. Why not also get them a mechanical pencil in which to put the mechanical pencil lead?

Mechanical pencils, at least the cheap ones any thrifty college student-affiliated person will want to flock to, are often sold without extra lead, effectively stranding the pencil's recipient on a desert island, writing an SOS letter in a bottle with only three sticks of lead, when the mailing address requires a fourth. Also, everyone already owns some form of mechanical pencil, so buying another just doubles the crisis. Two times the pencils, two times the lead to buy, two times the painful truth that they can't write legibly in their own tears. The degree seeker in your life went the extra mile by not dropping out and wasting your money, so why not go the extra quarter-mile and just get them what they really want this holiday season, mechanical pencil lead. Just be sure to get the right size because even a 0.01 mm difference means death and eternal sadness.

One can of air freshener

I repeat, one can of air freshener. Why only one? Because, even if your beloved college person loses one can and open up another, they will eventually find the first can and be stuck with two. And because they are easily lost, as college students don't typically erect a pedestal upon which to set their one can of air freshener and secure its sanctity behind a velvet rope, air fresheners tend to last forever. Although this is a blessing, it is also a curse, especially if the winter mood just so happens to strike you mercilessly in the air freshener aisle and you end up buying a pressurized can of gaseous Christmas cheer.

The recipient of said cheer will then be forced to choose between a rotten-pizza-scented dorm and suffering through an aerosol Christmas in March, effectively stirring up memories of the holidays and how this pain could have been avoided. That said, spare them the heartache and purchase a more sensible fragrance. Clean Linenwill remind them of the days when their laundry wasn't piled in a corner to sit for weeks, After the Rainwill make them reminisce of the outside world when they're pulling all-nighters for papers they haven't written, and Original will take them back to the good old days when they weren't crying incessantly and eating food out of little, plastic cups. Give them the memories they want to relive this holiday season because this is a gift that will, depending on how often it's lost, last a lifetime.

Scotch tape

When your precious bundle of joy or someone else's bundle gets to college, they'll most likely come fully equipped with posters and torn-out magazine pages to plaster all over their sterile dorm walls to tell the world, "Hey, this is me. All of these things are me. I am Revlon mascara. I am a football." But how can they do this without some form of adhesive? Enter Scotch tape. Believe it or not, this is a luxury in college. Absolutely everyone needs it for some reason, but no one has it for the sole reason that everyone needs it. Yeah. Would you trust your treasured 5 Seconds of Summer poster with printed on signatures to just any adhesive? Hell, no.

Duct tape will tear the edges off, sticky tack turns everything it comes in contact with blue, and industrial-grade adhesive will burn your fingers and send you to the hospital before you can even apply it. Parents, would you tape down gift wrap edges with anything other than Scotch tape? Why not ensure your child the same security. Plus, you've probably bought too much and have a few dispensers to spare, so why not? Also, Scotch tape can be used year-round for multiple purposes, unlike corncob holders that do only two things: hold corn and sit in that one silverware organizer spot where all seemingly useless utensils go to fade into oblivion. Trust me, Scotch tape is a college student's god-send. I would know, I trusted some of my posters to off-brand adhesive tape and now I trust no one and am often discouraged from doing anything.

Sponges

I was a die-hard washcloth worshiper when I received my first sponge, but my radical skepticism toward these absorbent Swiss cheeses quickly turned to undying gratitude and my coffee mugs have never been cleaner. With traditional washcloths, your student is greatly limited in terms of mobility because, even though they really only need one corner to wipe off a dried noodle, they have to deal with the rest of the cloth tagging along like, "cool, glad we could help get that noodle off." You've done nothing for no one, rest of the washcloth.

Sponges, though, can be folded up, twisted, and thrown into outer space to get at those hard-to-reach stains. Plus, college students aren't really down with laundering anything, let alone stuff that's also used to clean, but they won't have to worry because it's ridiculous to toss a sponge into a washing machine. Alternatively, if they were to toss a sponge into a washing machine, it would create an infinite cycle of cleanliness and transcend this physical realm's limitations, creating a tear in the space-time continuum, sending the machine and sponge together to different moments in time, which would cause more primitive civilizations to go mad and expedite the creation of the washing machine and kitchen sponge too early, ultimately screwing up history, creating a new reality where Doc Brown never got Marty's letter in 1955 and subsequently could not possibly have been prepared for when the Libyans showed up at Lone Pine Mall in 1985.

That is a universe I don't want to live in.

If the thought of buying anything for the college student in your life has got you down this Christmas season, don't worry. These cheap, last-minute gifts are sure to bring at least a content smirk to their faces.