For years I’ve heard guys complain that the rejection they encounter is because they were simply “too nice,” and this idea is absolutely absurd. They get upset and place blame on women when they don’t get the reaction they want. Moreover, this misogynistic way of thinking gives guys their own excuse to avoid taking responsibility; they ignore the fact that there are actual reasons behind a woman’s decision not to pursue any type of relationship or acknowledge sexual advances. 

In fact, guys that deem themselves “nice guys [without any fault]” exemplify self-righteous behavior (perhaps this is a reason you were rejected in the first place). Author EJ Dickson makes this valid point: Although “friend zone” is a gender-neutral term, it is most often used to describe relationships between males and females, where the male is in the “friend zone” and the female is the object of unreciprocated desire. This isn’t because men are “friend-zoned” more than women; this is because women are conditioned to be less vocal about their sexual desires.

As a girl, if a boy doesn’t want more than a friendship with you, you don’t come out and say “he put me in the friend zone.” Instead, girls are taught to internalize it and think, “I must be doing something wrong.” Most men, however, do not realize that the reason they have been turned down is their own fault. Instead, many men complain on a various number of forums - mostly social media – their stories of being “friend-zoned.” The redundancy is clearly evident, as each guy complains about having “done all the work” or “investing” time into this woman without gaining any benefits. 

In reality, all relationships and friendships require work; being a decent human being and a good friend means willing to put in effort. Just because you invest time, money, or energy into a platonic or romantic relationship does not mean a woman (or a man in some instances) owes you anything. By saying the “friend zone” exists, these men are adding to a culture of misogynistic entitlement. Do not act like a gentleman and be polite because you want to score with women; be a gentleman and be polite because it’s common decency and proper manners. 

Furthermore, bitter “friend-zoned” men continue to perpetuate the “nice guys don’t get laid” myth. This is false. The urge to be a decent person should not be avoided because bitter, rejected men said it should. The idea that women are only into jerks is one of the most idiotic ideas I’ve ever heard. Women don’t list “jerk” among the qualities they want in a guy; you don’t hear a woman say, “I want a guy who’s good-looking, funny, and an a**hole.” It’s not realistic, and men who believe it is have a thing or two to learn. 

The “friend zone” does not exist, point-blank.