Times have changed. Looking back even just twenty years ago, things are drastically different. As a communications major, I have been learning how communication has changed so dramatically in so little time. In some ways, for the better; in other ways, not so much. We are now incredibly preoccupied with our electronics that "normal" conversation has started becoming a thing of the past.
Now, do not think this is an anti-technology post. It is more of a reminder about how we were designed to communicate with each other: conversation. Face-to-face, two-sided, engaging conversation. It is something that has become so lacking in today's society. I do, however, think that we can get it back if we focus on a few main issues.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
I cannot stress enough the importance of this. It sounds cliché, but learning to be a good listener is fundamental in engaging in a real conversation. Not just being quiet on your phone while the other person shares, not just waiting for a chance to interject your thoughts or opinions, but truly hearing and considering what the other person is saying. This will make the other person know that you care and make them feel more comfortable with sharing. It is such a turn off for the person talking to feel like they aren't really being heard and appreciated. You give a person your time and attention, and they will give you theirs. It's a two-way street.
It's not just about telling the best stories.
So much of conversation consists of story after story instead of truly exchanging thoughts and getting to know each other. Often, people who might not have the most exciting or hilarious stories to tell feel unwanted in conversation or insecure about their social status. In his skit, "I Walked On The Moon," comedian Brian Regan brings up a fantastic point about conversations. He begs the question, "Why do people always have to top other people?" It really does come down to a willingness to put aside your yearning for attention and acceptance and let someone else have the "stage" for a while, which leads into my next point...
It's not all about you.
Once you realize this fact, having a real, two-sided, and enjoyable conversation will become a whole lot easier. Learning to take the focus off of yourself and show genuine interest in the other person is key, and can be done by asking questions and taking the time to discuss their thoughts, problems, or opinions without always directing it back to yourself. Giving yourself to the other person in the form of your attention and time can mean so much to a person and foster a healthy relationship.
This is not a post to demand us to no longer use phones or tell funny stories with friends. It is just something to keep in mind the next time you meet that friend for coffee or hang out with friends on a Saturday night. In an increasingly more virtual society, with it becoming easier and easier to avoid face-to-face contact (while all the while catering to narcissism), it is crucial that we take the steps to bring back the art of conversation!
"Two monologues do not make a dialogue." - Jeff Daly
