Slut-shaming is defined as a form of social stigma that is applied to people who are perceived to have violated traditional expectations for sexual behaviors. It is women, however, who most commonly face the negative implications of a societal standard that limits how sexual they can be. We have become part of a culture that tells women you can have sex but not too much sex. Why is it that we still do not trust women with their own bodies?
It is common to hear the phrases, "she doesn't love herself" or "she has no self-respect" when talking about a woman who has multiple sex partners. In the same way that it's okay to want to abstain from sex until marriage, it's also okay to have all the sex you want. It's your body and your rules.
One of the most prevalent double standards plaguing our society is that men who have lots of sex are "studs" whereas women who behave the same way are "whores".
Why is it that when we learn that a guy is a virgin we assume that it’s because he has no game, but when we learn that a girl is a virgin we assume that it’s because she respects herself? When men sleep with beautiful women, we are congratulated because we are taught that our manhood is attributed to our ability to perform sexually. But when women sleep with whoever they want, they are looked down upon because society has taught them that their womanhood and respect is defined by their sexual conservatism and abstinence.
Here’s a revolutionary thought, maybe women love and respect themselves so much that they do whatever they want because it makes them happy. The concept of slut-shaming is rooted deeply in this damaging cultural idea that sex is inherently vulgar, but it doesn’t have to be. Let’s open the dialogue–sex is normal, natural and fun. If your friends try to make you feel bad about it, you need new friends.
Sometimes it’s hard to rewire your thought process, especially after years of being taught to think a certain way, but the word “slut” can be reclaimed. It doesn’t have to carry the same negative connotation that it has for years. I challenge you: the next time you hear that a woman is sexually promiscuous, instead of condemning her, think, “maybe that’s what she wants to do, good for her.”
When we attempt to degrade women for being perceived as too sexual, we also inadvertently promote rape culture. By attributing a woman's worth and character to how she dresses and behaves, we instill the idea that it is okay to blame the victim in instances of sexual assault. Far too often we hear the phrase, "well she was kind of asking for it in that dress." Wrong. A woman never buys an outfit with the intentions of being assaulted.
Using her social media platform, celebrity feminist Amber Rose organized her own "Slut Walk" in an attempt to break apart double standards among gender stereotypes while educating and empowering women in an inclusive environment. She attributes the majority of sexual assaults to the underlying idea that if you dress or act a certain way, then your body is no longer perceived as your own.
In the same way that it’s totally normal to have all the sex you want, it’s also cool to not want to have sex until marriage or at all. What’s not cool is judging others or trying to make them feel bad about their choices and sexuality.
At the end of the day, it is all about you. So long as it’s safe and consensual, do whatever or whoever you want. It’s really not anyone's business anyway.