Until as recently as three years ago, many decisions in my life were influenced by other people. The people around me weren’t exactly making major life decisions for me but the stigma of doing things alone kept me from doing what I enjoyed.

I felt as though I needed other people around me in order to enjoy myself and because of this feeling I experienced more feelings of hurt than enjoyment. For example, if I had wanted to see a movie at the theater but none of my friends wanted to go then I just wouldn’t see the movie, no matter how much I really wanted to see the movie. I don’t blame myself or even my friends for this situation, though, because I feel this is a common occurrence with people my age.

I’ve lost count of all the times that I’ve heard a friend say that they didn’t do something that would bring them happiness because no one was able to go with them. Recently a friend didn’t go to a major concert in the area that featured his favorite bands because he didn’t know of anyone else going to the show. I have seen this fear or idea that a person can’t have fun or be happy while doing things alone. The number of times that I have sacrificed my own happiness because I was afraid of being somewhere alone disgusted me so much that I could no longer allow myself to continue this cycle.

But for me to break this habit I had to reach that high level of frustration and disgust with myself. That eventually happened when I wanted to attend a concert featuring a band that I loved listening to but my friends ended up bailing on me. So I had two options: either keep the ticket that I had bought months in advance in my pocket and go home or show the ticket to the doorman of the venue and go inside. For the first time, I put myself first and realized that I was wrong to believe that I actually had two options. There has always only been one option and that was the option to put my happiness first.

Sure, I was nervous and sick to my stomach from the anxiety of being alone but that night I made a new friend who said something that would break this fear of being alone and idea that I couldn’t find enjoyment by myself. During our conversation she said, “at some point, I just decided that I wasn’t going to let my own happiness be dependent on others”. This was after she told me that she always went to concerts alone and I had asked her why she went alone. I think I already knew these words but I just needed someone other than myself to say them out loud so I could realize their importance.

It’s ridiculous to think that before I heard those words I would prevent myself from experiencing happiness because no one was there to join me. Although spending time with friends is always fun, I never let my friends’ lack of presence stop me from finding happiness in myself. My advice to anyone is to find happiness in yourself; go watch that movie, go to that concert and have fun whether you’re by yourself or in the company of friends.