What My Autistic Brother Has Taught Me | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

What My Autistic Brother Has Taught Me

It's More Than You Might Think

325
What My Autistic Brother Has Taught Me

Like many younger siblings, I spent my early years in school following in the shadow of my older brother. Trying to be the best, prove myself and succeed. Except one thing was different than all my classmates around me. Every teacher looked at me in one of two ways: either apologetically or with annoyance and disgust.

My brother, Christopher, is two years older than me, and growing up we did almost everything together (people even thought we were twins sometimes). We grew up watching PBS, which eventually turned into "Harry Potter." We ran through the sprinkler and jumped in leaves together in the backyard. But there was always that one thing that made teachers look at me differently.

Around the age of three, Chris was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified.) That’s a lot of scientific mumbo jumbo, but in plain terms, my brother is autistic.

Growing up, I tried to create this image of a perfect child. I put pressure on myself to succeed and to be perfect. I wanted to succeed, not only for myself, but for my brother. I wanted to do things he would never be able to. I felt pressure to get good at and succeed in everything I did because my brother would never have those chances or opportunities. I wanted to be the perfect child for my parents that my brother couldn’t. In reality, this pressure wasn’t coming from anyone but myself; my parents couldn't have cared less.

I never knew anything was ‘wrong’ with my brother until I started school. People treated him differently and then started treating me differently. 20 years ago, we didn’t know nearly as much about autism as we do today, which affected the way both of us grew up. His teachers, my parents, everyone was flying blindly, not knowing what to expect or what the right versus wrong thing to do was. My friends didn’t understand and it was nearly impossible to explain.

“What could you possibly learn from him?”

Believe it or not, I’ve heard this question too many times to count. My answer is simple: a lot. He’s taught me so much, it’s impossible to put it into words or explain it to anyone, but here are just a few things I think we can all learn from him:

Love

My brother does the best he can, but he has difficulties interacting with people, sharing his and reading other people's emotions.

He doesn’t say “I missed you” or give very many hugs. Growing up, I thought this meant he didn’t love me, but it was far from that. I learned he just didn’t know how to show it to me. When I moved away to college, I didn’t think my brother would miss me at all. As I got busier throughout high school, we hung out less. After being at school for less than a month, I remember my mom calling and actually saying Chris wanted to talk to me. I was stunned - not only does he have a hard time communicating in person, but talking on the phone is something he has struggled with for years. The conversation wasn’t very long, and we didn’t talk about much, but it was one of the best phone calls I have ever had. That moment showed me that there isn’t one ‘right’ way to show your love and affection to someone. Just because you don’t say it, doesn’t mean the love isn’t there.

Patience

One of the biggest things there is he can be annoying (a lot) and really embarrass me in public (way too often), but if you sit and be patient, and really try to understand him, there is a lot to learn. My brother is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. He remembers everything he has ever read, watched or heard (and trust me I mean everything …). My brother can list off everything Abraham Lincoln did the day he was assassinated and the details of every case from every episode of "Bones." And even when I want to roll my eyes when he talks about "Dr. Who" (again), I still try to listen. There is a lot of wisdom in what he says. For example, my brother is the least judgmental person I have ever met. He doesn’t care if someone is Black, white, purple or blue (he will still talk your ear off). But it’s something that just puts me in awe. In a world filled with so much hate and judgement, he shows me there is still good in this world.

Things Don’t Go Your Way (a lot)

This is something I think almost everyone learns throughout life, but it’s something I think I learned much earlier in life. My parents always tried to show both my brother and me unconditional love, but it was hard to treat us the same. I can’t tell you how many nights I would go to bed screaming and crying that my parents loved my brother more than me, but that was so far from the truth. The fact of the matter is that there were, and still are, things my brother can’t do on his own. I was furious when we had to leave Magic Kingdom early because he was overwhelmed and stressed. I felt that everything was about him and in that moment it was, but only because it had to be. It didn’t mean my parents loved me any less, but in that moment what I wanted just didn’t happen. And it’s okay to not get your way.

Take Life One Day at a Time

The future is unknown for my brother. We have no idea if Chris will ever be able to live on his own, have a relationship or anything else. It is a very real possibility that someday in the future, my brother will become my responsibility. That reality used to scare me to death, but now it’s something I will willingly accept and something I will enjoy every moment of. I won’t give my brother up for anything, not a boy, a friend - nobody. It was a deal-breaker for me growing up, and will continue to be. If you can’t love my brother unconditionally, then you don’t have the right to love me.

I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t have traded my brother’s disability for an easier life, not only for myself but for him as well. He had to deal with so many difficult things that I can’t even imagine. It was hard, I had to grow up faster than those around me, and those around me didn’t understand what I was going through.

But because of my brother, I am a better individual. He changed who I am as a person, and how I grew up - that part I wouldn’t change for the world. Without him, how would I ever know every detail about "Titanic" or remember what I said two months ago (yes, he really does remember that)?He’s shown me how to be strong in times of adversity, and taught me what true unconditional love is. I believe that because of him I am a stronger person than I could have ever imagined. I am lucky to have the weird, smart and amazing brother that I do. I don’t see him as someone with special needs, but I do see him as someone who is truly special.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

A Year At JMU As Told By 'Bob's Burgers'

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

498
Bob's Burgers
collegian.com

A year at JMU promises many great adventures. The journey of becoming a duke and learning what being a duke is all about is really exciting and a lot of fun. Of course, we all know that James Madison University is the greatest university in Virginia (perhaps even the entire country). There are many events and moments at JMU that are cherished and remembered by all dukes.

Keep Reading...Show less
birthday party

My birthday has never been my favorite holiday. I've found that I'm more excited to celebrate my friends' and family members' birthdays more than my own. I don't like being the center of attention, so I usually celebrate over dinner with a small group of family and friends. This way, I can enjoy myself naturally without feeling like I have to entertain everyone and make sure they are satisfied. In the past when I've had large parties, I was so nervous that people weren't perfectly content that I didn't enjoy myself at my own celebration.

Keep Reading...Show less
thinking
College Informations

Most of us have already started the spring semester, and for those of you who haven't started yet, you suck.

It seems like coming back from winter break wouldn't really be a break all things considered, since we all come back to school and pick up right where we left off. We know exactly what to expect, yet we're unprepared every single time.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Dear Future Me, Life Is Tough But Please Remember These 14 Things

You can forget to breathe OR to buy fruit OR to even pet a dog but you cannot forget these things!!

212
Dear Future Me, Life Is Tough But Please Remember These 14 Things
Distractify

Dear Future Me,

I know you still overthink everything and you care too much, but I hope you're loving life regardless of what you're going through. Trust me the ups and downs in life are helping you and shaping you remember that. I know that you think you are wiser and "cooler" than me now but I hope you remember these 14 things that have taught you so much already.

Keep Reading...Show less
I'm serious

There are tons of unisex names that are popular: Taylor, Alex, Bailey, etc. There are also numerous names that are used for both sexes, but they’re not seen as “unisex” yet. People are slowly becoming accustomed to the dual use of these names, but for the most part, in their minds they associate certain names with certain sexes. And that leaves those of us with these names in many awkward situations.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments