In high school, I had an awesome Life Skills teacher- she was a teacher in the truest sense of the word. She taught her students about how working together and watching out for each other can make a world of difference. She taught us to be confident in ourselves, to trust our instincts, and to be kind. She was always a positive person to be around, and she never failed to put a smile on your face.

Recently, she has passed away- she was stabbed to death by her husband, who then after committed suicide by walking in front of traffic. The two of them had gotten married last year. I remember her showing us the wedding pictures in class and how excited she was. I am still in shock- it feels surreal. She had been in another abusive relationship before and had gotten herself out. No one deserves a fate like that, especially not her. She is a figure of strength and hope and had a huge impact on many students’ lives. Even now, her message to us is stronger than ever.

As someone who has had their own difficult experience with an emotionally abusive relationship in the past, I can tell you that one of the things I want most to happen is a dramatic drop in the number of abusive relationships. I want to help with this- how can I not?

I understand what it feels like to be trapped like you don’t have anywhere to go. I understand the fear, the anger, the frustration, confusion and sadness that goes along with it. I know firsthand the lasting effects of an abusive relationship, even after everything is over and done with- the low self-esteem, the guilt, and the shame. The one thing I would want anyone who is struggling in an abusive relationship is that you are not alone, and you will never be alone.

By definition, those involved in abusive relationships are called victims. But I do not believe Ms. Triplett is a victim. I believe she was strong in every sense of the word. She was strong and optimistic; enough to move on with her life and teach her students what it really means to lead a fulfilling life.

I do not believe I am a victim. I have never thought of myself in that way, and I never will, no matter what happens.

Abuse can be emotional, mental, sexual, or physical. Two to four million American women are abused each year. Signs of relationship abuse include: isolation, threats, coercion (for sexual favors), possessiveness, extreme jealousy or insecurity, explosive temper, telling you what to do, pressuring you to have sex or using force, constantly putting you down, checking your phone without permission, or physically hurting you in any way (Love is Respect).

If you are in an abusive relationship, leave. I don’t care what your abuser is saying to you- I know too well how real the threats can sound, and I know it’s hard not to listen to that, but leaving as soon as possible is the best thing you can do. Reach out to someone you can trust and rely on to have their support. Keep in mind, your relationship will not get better and you cannot fix someone. Someone who is struggling with a mental illness needs professional help that you cannot provide.

If you used to be in an abusive relationship, stay positive. It will get easier over time, trust me. Don’t let guilt overcome you. In no way is what happened your fault, and that’s one of the most important things to remember when trying to move on. Start focusing on what you love to do, and surround yourself with a good support system. And especially don’t listen to that voice in your head telling you that you aren’t good enough, or any other negative thoughts. One of the toughest things you have to deal with in the aftermath is low self-esteem, and it can take a long time to build it back up again.

To anyone who knows someone in an abusive relationship- be there for them, no matter what. More than anything, they need someone to rely on, especially when things are worse than usual. Encourage them to get out, but support whatever they decide to do.

I just want to thank Ms. Triplett for being the amazing person she was, and for touching so many students’ lives and showing us what it means to be truly resilient. She had a bright and vibrant personality that will be deeply missed by everyone who knew her. I also want to thank everyone who helped me through one of the darkest times in my life- without their support and love, I could not tell this story.

We are not victims. We are strong and we are fighters.