If I could see a physical number of how many times a day I opened the Instagram app on my phone, I would probably be torn between pride and disgust. I am obsessedwith the 'Gram, and I've found that as time has gone on, the obsession has only grown. Below I've charted the steps it takes to go from mild fascination to full-blown addiction.
You start small by just scrollin'.
It all begins soon after you join, and you follow a few people here and there, maybe a celebrity, or even a Kardashian or two*. You casually open the app every once in awhile, throwing out a like when it suits you. You start to see the appeal with looking at all of these pictures.
You try your hand at posting a few pictures.
You definitely don't start out with a #selfiesunday, but maybe you share a pretty, yet over-edited picture of a nice landscape, or use only X-Pro II at a bumbling attempt to use filters. You'll probably only get a few likes, but you don't get discouraged. You have faith that your 'Gram game will pick up soon.
You begin gaining a follower base.
More and more people will start to follow you, especially if you're a loyal upholder of the #followback and #likeforlikes. And a wise man once said, "with more followers, comes a great plethora of likes."* Slowly they start to add up, and then just as you were sucked into liking their pics, they'll start to throw some likes your way.
*A wise man didn't say that, I did. But you heard it here first, people.
You have your first picture hit the coveted 11th like.
The day your first picture ~finally~ squeaks past 10 likes and you start seeing a number count instead of names is the lit-rally the best day of your life. That first number is the beginning of the end--it is affirming, and truly begins to lead you down the path to pure obsession.
You learn to become a master of the perfect #filter.
As time goes on, you understand the true power of the filter--it can make or break the perfect Insta post. You learn which one is for noobs (looking at you, Valencia) and the nuances of the newest filters (Juno is super underrated, amirite?) But most importantly, you understand the ultimate power move, #nofilter.
You spend hours, if not days, crafting the perfect caption.
As you become a pro, you learn the importance of a totally FIREcaption. The wittier the caption, the better. Some ~artsier~ pictures require super deep, literary quotes. That picture of you with your girls obviously requires some current song lyrics about being young and making memories. You will literally plan captions for pictures you haven't even taken yet--you're THAT committed. Plus, you can't let that chick from high school get more likes than you on her #tbt to senior year! pic. You can do so much better.
I literally planned this caption for a week; it's fine. It's still one of my biggest accomplishments
Once you post a picture, you refresh your phone every 30 seconds to check for likes.
You must be careful when posting a picture at this advanced stage of Insta mania, because it will take over your life. You'll practically break out in hives if you're away from your phone for any more than 5 minutes. You NEED to know who's liked it, how many likes has it gotten so far, are you on track to get close to 50? Did people appreciate that #WCW of your roommate, because you guys are just too cute not to be appreciated.
At this point in the mania, it's just time to give up and accept that Instagram completely owns your life. Embrace it, and filter that selfie to your heart's content. May the filters be ever in your favor!
You can help feed Kate's Instagram addiction by following her here: https://instagram.com/kte1014/.
