I know what you are thinking: “Oh man, another article about being away from home for college. Could you be anymore original?” The transition between high school and college is hard for many and it’s a learning experience.

I am in the middle of my third year in college, but I still remember high school as if it were last week. They were dark years of running the mile every week (Um, who thought that was a good idea?), wearing eyeliner only on the bottom (I’m sorry if you had to look at me), and going to every class every single day. I used to think I was so cool, acting like I ran the school, especially in front of all the freshmen.

Ironically, I was involved in nothing, except the dance team and a little club called Service Commission. The dance team only was a thing whenever we had rallies and Service Commission was barely ever publicly recognized. I mean, we got really cool jackets that we got to wear at basketball games and Open House, but there was nothing much else to it.

High school was not fun; I wanted to do more than what I actually did. I went to school, sat through class, came back home, went to dance practice, then did homework. I only saw my friends at school, never outside of school, which always made me feel left out of the group sometimes. Every new school year, I decided I was going to do something new, like joining theatre club or applying to the journalism newspaper. When it came down to it, I never had the courage to get up and go to anything. I wasn’t happy with myself and I still have regret of not being more involved.

Fall semester of senior year, my mind was only on college. Like most of my classmates, I applied primarily to schools in Northern California, closer to my hometown. I wanted to study elementary education so it didn’t matter which school I went to because every school had an education program.

Fast forward to April and I was stuck between choosing Sonoma State and Cal State Northridge. I took a lot of factors into account: the distance from home, the size of the school, the mascot, the school colors. I knew for certain I did not want to be too close to home and I knew I had to look good in my future school’s colors. I visited both schools with my family and it ended in a really easy decision on that I wanted and had to attend CSUN the next fall.

Cal State Northridge is about 30 miles from Los Angeles, and about 320 miles from San Francisco, my hometown. I was the only person from my high school that came here. I knew not a single soul and walking through my campus the first day of school, I thought it would stay that way. The only person I sort of knew was my roommate, but she was always with her boyfriend.

The first week of school was the worst, but it opened doors for me. I came home to my dorm every day after class and I would be so tired and hot and sweaty and disgusting and all I wanted was to lie on my bed and talk about my day with my roommate. Each time I slid my room card in the door and saw she wasn’t home, a part of me broke and saddened. I just wanted a friend and someone to talk to.

The third day of school I called home. After two short rings, my mom answered in her little Asian accent, “Hello, Mei Mei” (in Chinese, Mei Mei means little sister). My voice choked up and I could not get a word out of my mouth. I covered the mouthpiece and I broke into tears. It was something about hearing her comforting voice after two long days, the same voice I grew up hearing every day, waking me up in the morning, telling me dinner was ready, asking me if I wanted her to stay awake with me as I did homework.

Trying to recollect myself before answering the phone was hard. I tried to even out my breaths so my voice didn’t sound quivering. I didn’t want her to know I was crying and weak and sad; I needed her to think I was strong, especially because it was my choice to have gone this far college.

After getting myself together and sharing how my classes were to my mom, I got my homework together and decided I was going to work in the dorm’s living room. And if anyone asked, I wasn’t doing my homework in my room because I hadn’t unpacked everything and it was distracting me from finishing my work. I always heard people in the living room but actually walking in AND HANGING OUT in there intimidated me so hard I tried to avoid it. But after that break down, I knew I had to go out my comfort zone and make friends. It was at that point that I realized no one knew who I was before college and I could literally change and be the type of person I wanted to be this whole time.

I did the most cliché thing ever and joined a sorority where I met some of my closest friends, my big sis, Isabella, and now both of my littles, Brooke and Britney. I made friends with all of my floormates from my dorm, which made coming home after class really exciting. I joined Salsa Libre my second year and met even more people I didn’t think I would ever have crossed paths with. And because I was in a cohort for elementary education, I had the majority of my classes with the same people.

Two years later and I couldn’t be any more fortunate of what has happened. I am still in my sorority, with the same friends I made freshman year plus more. I still talk to most of my floormates like we were all living together just yesterday. I am applying to the teacher credential program this month and I reflect back on that first week of school, thinking the next four years ahead were going to be difficult with no friends and family around.

I find myself feeling homesick sometimes where I would do anything to be in the comfort of the home I grew up in. I have to make my own food, take out the trash, do the dishes, do the laundry, AND maintain good grades and a social life… HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE. I’ve never been so grateful of having my parents take out the trash and make dinner growing up. I think about what it would have been like if I went to Sonoma State or San Francisco State, where I could go home more often. A lot of my teacher friends live at home and I can only imagine after our late night class, they go home to their family waiting for them at the dinner table with hot food already made

It’s not like I can go home to San Francisco whenever I feel like- that’s a seven hour drive... HA! No thanks. Because of college, I’ve learned how to take care of myself, go out of my comfort zone, and take control of my life and guide it to where I want to be. I see Facebook posts and Instagram pictures of people I went to high school with and it’s interesting seeing how I wasn’t the only one who wanted change.