The Curse Of Strahd, 5th Edition, Part 2: 'Why Don't We Just...Leave?'
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The Curse Of Strahd, 5th Edition, Part 2: 'Why Don't We Just...Leave?'

Things get #spooky and geeks probably swear more than you do.

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The Curse Of Strahd, 5th Edition, Part 2: 'Why Don't We Just...Leave?'
Ghost Adventures

This article is a continuation of coverage for the first dungeon of a friend's latest Dungeons and Dragons campaign. To catch yourself up to speed, please read the article “The Curse of Strahd, Fifth Edition, Part One: 'We're Looking for Baby-Shaped Things'.”

As before, there are heavy spoiler warnings for The Curse of Strahd, fifth edition, in this article. If you haven't played yet and don't want the story spoiled for you, turn back now and read another article on this site.

We return to our adventurers as they're being attacked by a suit of armor, which is a classic in terms of both the Gothic horror genre and Scooby Doo episodes. They discuss what the suit of armor's HP must be, since it was able to one-hit K.O. Conner, a member of the other group the DM is running this campaign for.

If you're unfamiliar with Dungeons and Dragons, you might not be aware that fights are played primarily with dice: That is, you can't just say you're attacking and the DM can't just say that it doesn't hit; you have to roll to see if your attack hits, and then you have to roll again to determine how much the hit is worth. For our group, most of the attacks seem to be missing the suit of armor that's attacking them. As the DM, my friend wants the players to succeed—he's telling a story, and if they can't get past this monster, they're not going to be able to enjoy the entire story—but he also wants it to be challenging. Not all DMs play the same way, but most want it to be at least fun, even if you're having trouble getting past a walking suit of armor.

Haldric helps recover Alphonse's health after he arrives to the second floor behind Dorf. Fights in DnD are as much about probability as they are about having picked the right abilities. What I'm saying is, clearly math classes across the country should adopt Dungeons and Dragons as a way to teach students how to place bets when gambling. In any case, their hits just keep missing.

[Name Redacted]: Man, we're so good at this.
Dorf, after a lengthy description of the attack he wants to use: Act-u-al acrobatic.

The DM tells us that the suit of armor has been dented by Dorf's attack, and Haldric ends up using sentinel as a way to protect against the suit of armor's next move.

Haldric: We all take sentinel, no one attacks anyone, and we all win.

The fight against the suit of armor takes a while, mainly because the die don't appear to be rolling in anyone's favor. They keep missing, and debate whether or not they should intentionally aim their attacks at each other so they'll miss and glance off to hit the suit of armor. Someone rolls a critical hit—but then deals eight damage. Finally, after what feels like forever, the suit of armor “begins looking crumbly.” Haldric lands the final hit against the suit of armor, and it is defeated.

Haldric: Stealth mission.
[Name Redacted]: Did you discover anything?
Dorf: Well, I'm wearing a hat and not that I think I should have to say this but [imitates video game low-health dinging] I have one HP.

The DM launches then into a further description of the scenery, which is still hideous and filled with hidden skulls, eyeballs, and death.

Alphonse: That's f*cking weird!
[Name Redacted]: So the suit of armor was probably helping guard the baby.

He goes to find the baby, and it occurs to all of us that they still haven't found a way down to the basement—which is what Dorf and Haldric were supposed to be doing by staying on the first floor in the first place. In any case, the gang is reunited for better or for worse, and they remain on the second floor so they can keep searching it. The first room they go into is a bedroom, which is described as being covered with dust and cobwebs: This is a far cry from the lived-in appearance of the first floor.

One of the cool things that we should note about Dungeons and Dragons is that there's a real mutability in genre—it can extend from the dragon fantasy most people equate with it through Gothic horror and ghouls. If you don't think you'd like DnD, it's probably because you a.) haven't found the right DM yet, or b.) haven't found the right standalone adventure.

This time (after [Name Redacted] complains about how his character honestly should have caught on to all the weird imagery in the house's décor by this point), the DM makes a point to mention that everybody, “knowing to look this time,” sees that there are eyeballs instead of grapes on the wallpaper. It is clear that this is a “f*cked up house.”

Dorf hops up onto the bed and a spectral manifests immediately. It's another one of those staples of the Gothic genre: a bloody female ghost, vengeful and ready to attack anyone who so much as looks at her.

[Name Redacted]: Who are you?
DM: She attacks you!
Dorf: Nice going, Zak Bagans.

(I should mention—they'd be joking about Ghost Adventures and its host regardless of whether or not there was a ghost appearing. It's a running thing.) We've encountered our second monster of the dungeon, and aside from imitating Zak Bagans, [Name Redacted] does think it would be in the group's best interest to try to talk to her and get information. He offers “emotional bullsh*t” (as Haldric puts it), but rolls a three so whatever comes out of his mouth is going to be garbage.

[Name Redacted]: We're looking for baby-shaped holes, can you help us?

Even so, [Name Redacted] insists that they should keep trying to talk her down and convince her that they're trying to help her—the entire group is comprised of acolytes. He tries again and uses his telepathy to register that the ghost does have some flicker of recognition on her face when he mentions the baby.

A member of the other group comes over to heckle our heroes about the rolls they've been making.

Dorf: How much dex do you have, asshole? Get f*cked.

They also ask how I'll write out the expletives, since they do swear (like, a lot), and I ask myself the same thing. Dorf continues to attack the ghost despite [Name Redacted] and now Alphonse attempting to persuade the ghost not to attack them back. Everyone, it seems, is having difficulty rolling the dice, and it comes out that apparently someone else had been using the set of dice that [Name Redacted] usually uses.

[Name Redacted]: You let someone else touch the [Name Redacted] Dice? How could you? No wonder I've been rolling so bad!

Haldric attacks, and Dorf, still nursing his tiny box of water, asks whether or not the article can be sponsored by Boxed Water Is Better. I tell him probably not. When the ghost attacks [Name Redacted], Haldric uses sentinel again and kills it.

They make a few guesses about why the ghost would have been there before rolling for a knowledge check to gain some lore. The specters here are made through violent death and usually have unfinished business to take care of. It's possible, then, that this ghost might have actually been the real mother of the baby, and that she was murdered, but this is all conjecture. There's a door in the bedroom that leads to the nursery, which is where the team moves next.

When they step in, they notice a crib which is covered by a black shroud. They may have finally found their baby-shaped thing. It isn't moving or making any sound though, and when [Name Redacted] picks it up, it's pretty obvious that it's just a bundle of blankets pushed together to resemble a baby. So definitely baby-shaped, just not an actual baby.

Dorf: Maybe we should just...leave?
The house might be a trap itself.
[Name Redacted]: The kids are ghosts.
DM: No, they're human.
[Name Redacted]: Okay.

It comes out that apparently in a previous session or campaign, this group harassed a group of merchants by making claims that they were things they weren't, so they seem really willing to accept the DM's word for it when he says that the purple-skinned children from the beginning of this dungeon were, in fact, human. Maybe they have been led around though, so they make the decision to try to investigate why nobody has been using this room.

Maybe the ghost is the reason. [Name Redacted] and Haldric search this room for more clues (cue joke about Scooby-Snax). One of the only ways to get as much out of a game as possible is to investigate everything. Sure, you might trigger some traps, but let's be honest: If this entire house is a trap, what's the worst that's going to happen to you?

Upon investigating the mirror the ghost appeared from, Dorf asks, “Who is the dankest meme of all?” A uniform dress is found in a dresser, suggesting that this room belonged to the ghost. “Using [his] mystery skills,” [Name Redacted] creates a cleaner narrative of their theory to the ghost's origin. Dorf discovers a secret stairwell in the wall leading up to the attic, and they make their way through.

Some players, like those in the group the previous night, are a lot more methodical in their investigation, taking time to look through each room on a floor before carrying on. As Dorf mentions, though, “We can always go back to the malt shop.” I think he means that the room will be waiting for them when they finish the main part of the dungeon, and if they want to, they can go back and get more information.

While the DM draws the map out for the attic, the group practices rolling their dice to figure out why they keep rolling such low numbers. After the map has finished, they determine the attic as housing children and servants.

At this point, the group does become a little worried about how the things they've said might be misunderstood, but I remind them of the Tumblr blog OutofContextDnD. There's a reason why they're looking for baby-shaped things. It's part of the quest.

In one of the rooms, a creepy doll exists.

Dorf: Dolls aren't scary. You can kick it. You can just kick it.

[Name Redacted] notices a tag on the doll, but makes a joke about his inability to read aloud earlier, so he asks Haldric to pick the doll up and read it. Also, he's worried about it being cursed, which, to be fair, is a reasonable fear to have at this point. The tag reads, “IS NO FUN, IS NO BLINKSY,” which first reminds us all of the episode of Doctor Who with the Weeping Angels, but also sounds a lot like a riddle.

Alphonse: Is there anything in the doll?

DM: It's porcelain.
Haldric: Is its eyes open?
Dorf: Are my eyes open?

[Name Redacted] ends up taking the doll anyway. They leave this room and make for the next one.

Unfortunately, it's locked, and they have no key.

Haldric: Okay, I take out my portable ram—
DM: That's a thing?
Haldric: Yeah. I bought it at the market.
[Name Redacted]: I thought that was a meme!
The ram doesn't work.
Dorf: Are there baby-shaped holes?

No, there are no holes. Until they can get a key to open that door, they're going to have to keep exploring around the house hoping to find it.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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