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How To Make Your Spring Break One To Remember

There are some experiences that are just universal.

Mar 15, 2016

How To Make Your Spring Break One To Remember

I have a mix of self-respect and self-hatred which renders any stereotypical spring break excursion a total impossibility, and thank god for that. As a result, I often like to consider what normal people that I hate tend to do during this time. So I thought about it, and these are the things that I decided people probably do during their spring break! If you don't do these things, you will never feel truly fulfilled!

1. Complete the yearly pilgrimage to a tropical wonderland of sex and death.

Is "the circle of life" a euphamism for vaginas? I just realized that, and now I can't un-think it.

2. Doing so much acid that you hallucinate yourself partying with the Charmin Bears who won’t stop talking about whether they prefer softness or strength.

Is this how twerking works?

3. Go involuntarily crab catching.

Let's hope you aren't allergic to shellfish!

4. Get that spring break body.

You're gonna get RIPped.

5. Break some springs.

They were asking for it.

6. Get totally pregnant.

It's a miracle!

7. Repress your latent homosexuality by blatantly objectifying women.

'Sup, girl? I'm madly in love with my childhood best friend, Kevin, but I can't be honest about it because I have unsupportive parents and live in a world that's eager to reject any semblance of difference. Why don't smile for me?

8. Look everywhere for the best party.

That is "pahty," if you have a Boston accent, which roughly translates to "potty" for those of you not in the know. Full disclosure, I stole this already sub-par joke from an improv show I saw when I was nine. It worked when they did it, I promise you.

9. Go visit Disney!

This is how they actually got the inspiration for "Frozen."

10. Release Shamu.

One fish, two fish, red fish, black fish.

11. Try so hard.

Do you love me? LOL. Tell me you love me! LOL! Tell me you love me. Looooollll. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. LoL. WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME DAD? LOL! I LAUGH TO COVER THE TEARS!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

How To Make Your Spring Break One To Remember

There are some experiences that are just universal.

1. Complete the yearly pilgrimage to a tropical wonderland of sex and death.

2. Doing so much acid that you hallucinate yourself partying with the Charmin Bears who won’t stop talking about whether they prefer softness or strength.

3. Go involuntarily crab catching.

4. Get that spring break body.

5. Break some springs.

6. Get totally pregnant.

7. Repress your latent homosexuality by blatantly objectifying women.

8. Look everywhere for the best party.

9. Go visit Disney!

10. Release Shamu.

11. Try so hard.

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Sometimes, we just can't help the feelings we have

1. Wow. My voice sounds amazing with this song.

2. Okay, if you can't sing, don't do it.

3. But wait, I don't think I can be friends with someone who isn't going to jam out in the car with me.

4. Dance part in the car! Even when I'm alone. Because every song is my favorite.

5. Stop light. Act calm. Be cool.

6. Yes! Green light! Back at it!

7. I don't know this song, but I'm going to sing along anyway.

8. Why am I not famous yet?

9. Being next to someone who can't sing so you feel good about yourself because you rock!

10. OK, I'm so good. I need to sing louder so I can help these people out.

11. My voice doesn't reach some of those notes, maybe I should sit this one out.

12. Randomly bursting out in song and getting weird looks because of it.

13. God, thank you so much for giving me a good voice.

14. Man, I feel bad for people who can't sing.

15. Was I just humming? Did they hear me?

16. Having dance moves to go along with most songs.

17. Not being able to stop yourself at correcting people when they mess up.

18. Maybe I should post myself singing.

19. Nah, can't do it. Dumb idea.

20. Having my own personal concert in the shower. Every single time.

Normal people wouldn't understand

1. Having time to nap between classes or at all.

2. Waking up 10 minutes before your class starts and making it there in time.

3. Making it to class in general

4. Only having to hit the snooze button three times.

5. When you didn't do the homework and the teacher decides not to collect it for that day.

6. Getting that "I'm sorry, but class is cancelled" email.

7. Finding a quiet seat in the library.

8. Actually enjoying a class and understanding all of the material.

9. Having a friend to eat lunch with.

10. Finishing an assignment before the due date.

11. When there is free food on campus.

Becuase of all things to be addicted to, you're addicted to making money.

1. You can't remember your last day off.

2. Whenever someone asks to hang out, you're working.

3. When you do see your friends, you're in a "treating mood."

4. You work so much you don't have time to spend the money you're making.

5. You're too tired to function when you aren't working.

6. Finally seeing your friends and having way too much to catch up on.

A summer well spent.

1. How to shower in less than 10 minutes.

2. Being comfortable sweating, like all the time.

3. The beauty of not wearing makeup.

4. Naps are essential for survival.

5. Even extreme extroverts need alone time.

6. How to remember names in a few short hours.

7. The freedom in sharing your faults.

8. Showering every day is not necessary.

9. Fake it til you make it.

10. Bugs are the enemy.

83% of my trends in college would have been shamed in high school.

1. Eat

2. Be seen running across campus

3. Sleep

4. Skip Class

5. Blurt out

6. Wear dresses

7. Wear Crocs

8.Run on 4 hours of sleep

9. Use a Laptop

10. Crying

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