Growing up I watched a lot of Hindi films. I loved everything about them. The music, the dancing, the romance and the terrible but amusing fight scenes. I would escape my world and only focus on Raj serenading Simran in a random field full of flowers or Rahul tying a friendship bracelet around Tina saying “Pyaar dosti hai.”
These movies gave fuzzy feelings in the tummy and made our hearts flutter. When the hero won the heroine over in the most romantic way possible with a cheesy dialogue, it made us all swoon. Growing older though, I realized that these movies are actually giving a misconception of what love is. Problematic behavior was being encouraged and it became a growing issue. These actions were found frequently in films which normalized them. Watching these films are entertaining but it is important that we pull out the problematic behavior and have the sense to know that if this was practiced in the real world it is far from okay. Here are five misconceptions of love that Bollywood taught us.
1. Stalking ain’t cute fellas
I see this one all the time. In the movie, the hero thinks he’s being romantic by following the girl. In movie logic, this is acceptable. In real life, it's straight up creepy. The other day I saw a news headline that a guy stalked a girl he liked because in Bollywood movies the guys did that, so he thought it would actually work in real life. Nope. Not gonna work. It's only gonna make me want to get a restraining order. If you want to talk to that cute girl, I promise you that going up to her and talking to her is a lot better than following her and staring at her from a distance (honestly what do you even think you’re gonna achieve by doing that?).
2. Emotional Blackmail
“If you don’t say say I love you then I’m gonna jump from the building.” That is an actual quote from a movie. Movie logic would think that this is so romantic that the guy can’t live without her but it's actually really manipulative. Guilting a person into having “feelings” for you with an ultimatum like that is not true love. That's a selfish kind of feeling that you can’t even call love. Guess what? I know someone who went through this exact thing. And years later they are married but the guy is a jerk and treats her terribly. So don’t think that just because this guy is being a drama queen that you gotta fall for his act. This ain’t real love. This ain't love at all.
3. Abuse done in the name of love
Abuse is abuse. It’s wrong. It’s not okay. I see in movies that the guy would get worked up and slap the girl or grab her furiously and yell in her face. Later on, they would say they only did it out of love. If this happens in real life I am begging you to leave those terrible people. Contrary to the popular phrase “love hurts,” it really doesn’t. If the person you love is hurting you, it’s a red flag. Don’t let them use love as an excuse for their harmful behavior.
4. Love at first sight
Love at first sight or is it lust at first sight? This one is a little more complicated. I feel mixed about this one. Obviously, when two people meet and they like each other there’s that attraction. Can you really call that love? I think that it's the first step towards love but it doesn’t necessarily mean that right then and there it's love. I think of love as the growing and gradual process. The idea that two people meet and decide they are meant for each other and elope after knowing each other for a week seems so irrational to me. Fellas dropping the “I love you” right after meeting cute hunny seems so shallow. Will Rohit love you when you are no longer young and beautiful?
5.Unrealistic Expectations
Let’s be real. Your bae is not gonna be standing in the middle of a field proclaiming his love for you through a dance number. He’s probably not gonna run spontaneously through an airport or train station to get to you at the very last minute. Those deep dialogues they say to each other may have us mutter “#goals” under our breaths but we all really know that guys are as romantic as a potato.
Love can be expressed in many ways. I'm no expert on love but if you feel like feelings are forced and not mutual then that is a bad sign. Love should be genuine. Love shouldn't cause you a lot of pain. We may not all have our Raj but that may not be such a bad thing after all.
