I've heard many times before that if you write a letter to someone in heaven, it will make its way there. So today, I will write a letter to that certain someone in hopes they know just how I feel.

First, I have to start off by saying how angry I am that you left. Sometimes I think my anger clouds the grief I am suppose to naturally feel. I know you did not want to leave, but you did. And now I'm here alone without you. Some people say that's normal, but I don't want to feel this way. Please don't be mad at me for being mad, ill get over it eventually. You know how stubborn I can be.

Next, I would like to say how much I miss you. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that feels this way, like I'm the only one that just can't seem to let you go. And yes, they tell me this is normal too, but yet none of them know exactly what I feel. They don't cry anymore like I still do. They don't stare at your picture sometimes like I do. And they definitely don't talk about you all the time like I do. But that's okay, because I know you can see me cry and talk about, and it gives me comfort to know that you know I still care.

Oh back to the mad thing, let's talk about how every time that stupid song comes on the radio, I cry like a baby no matter who I'm with or if I'm by myself. Or when I watch our favorite TV show, I can't help but feel sad for watching it without you. So yes, I'm a little mad I won't be able to look at Dr. Phil the same anymore. There's a lot of things I can't do now because you aren't here, but maybe one day I'll let myself do them because I know that's what you want for me.

Don't let me forget to inform you I still watch Miami Dolphin games and wear your hoodie even though I have no interest in that awful team. Let's be real, I only liked them because you did, and I still feel like I have to root for them. Which totally isn't fair, but somebody has to be a fan right?

Sometimes I feel like I'm at my breaking point and feel like I could literally pull my hair out. But then I have to sit back and think of what you would say (and probably what you're yelling at me all the time from up there) and that is that I have to suck it up and deal with. I have to keep going and get what needs to be done, done. When you were here, I had you to tell me how to do everything and that it was going to be okay, but now I have to tell myself, which isn't as effective as you might think. But whatever, I suck it up and do it, because the thought of you laughing at me for being upset over something stupid makes me mad, just like it did when you were here. I refuse to let you laugh at me from up there. You're still not funny.

I'm sure you're mad at the fact I tattooed something on myself for you, because you always told me that I should never get one, but chill out up there. I got this permanent memorial on myself for you, so that I could have you with me everywhere I go. It's the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up, which automatically puts you on my mind. I also don't mind all the compliments I get on how pretty it is, and its getting easier to tell people why I have it. You should see their face when I tell them. They never know what to say, but that's ok. I don't expect them to.

So that is basically everything. Hopefully this makes it all the way to you like everyone claims. I felt a little silly at first, but it feels good to write it all down. Continue to watch over me and laugh at all my silly melt downs. As for me, ill keep remembering you and all the memories we made before you left. Most importantly, remember that I love you, and ill never forget you.