You’ve probably heard time and time again with regards to love (and life) to “follow your heart.” “Your heart will never lead you wrong,” they say. I’m here today to tell you that is wrong!

Trust me, I’ve done leg work on this one.

For years, I too have followed my heart. And look where it’s gotten me: 30 something and still single. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some days, I really enjoy being single. At this point, I’m secure enough with myself that I can (and do) enjoy my own company. Often times, like right now for instance, I can cuddle up with my computer for hours and … write. I can be lazy in my bed, alone with a Seagram’s ginger ale and half eaten package of Oreo cookies with a small cup of milk on my nightstand and not have to answer to anyone. I can leave the country tomorrow with no explanation except to those of my immediate family members, if I so choose. Note to self: book a trip and just go! However, this is not necessarily the life that I had envisioned for myself at this age. I’d always and still do dream of companionship and a family of my own. You know what’s funny? Single people dream of being married while married people dream of being single. #TheIrony

When any of my girlfriends ask me for advice, I’ve started to tell them not to follow their hearts, as the old adage goes. My life-long best friend, Chelsie, was in shock the first time I said it to her. However, I say this with conviction as I can recall too many instances where I’ve stayed long after my head told me to leave. I remember staying after that “last time" that "was the last time,” only to be hurt a few more times before I mustered up the strength to actually leave. I always tell my girlfriends, after they confess to me that they don’t know what to do, that in fact they do know. We always know.

Now, I’m taking a new approach. Instead of following my heart, which has often led me astray, I’m trying to follow my mind. Anytime I’ve ever been in a bad relationship, there has always been an epic battle between my heart and my head. My heart has hurt my feelings. Meanwhile, my head expected the outcome. My head screamed “No” as my heart whispered “but you love him”. And the result ended with me picking up that phone once again, or sending that dreaded text message that I'll later regret. And it’s just a matter of time before my head taunts my heart again with “I told you so,” because I’m heartbroken and disappointed, once more.

The obvious struggle is that the heart doesn’t always align with the head. To quote Sidney Shaw from "Brown Sugar," “I don’t know why your heart doesn’t do what your head tells it.” What I do know is that the heart is a muscle, much like the ones in your legs, arms and abdomen and it has to be trained. But I also know that the heart is unlike any other muscle in your body. And probably the strongest one that you have.

In the end, when it comes to matters of the heart, trust your feelings, but don’t be a fool. After all, the Bible even tells us that. Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly what it says (that’s #TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw’s words). However, in Proverbs 28:26 it reads, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered.” And I happen to believe that God gives wisdom to your mind, when you ask Him. The Bible also tells us in James 1:5, that, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives liberally and without reproach and it shall be given unto him.” My advice is not to follow your heart, but follow God and lead your heart to Him.

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#TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw