Being selfish is usually viewed as a negative thing.

In our young lives, however, I beg to differ. We, my generation, and women in particular, have been trained to think that we need to be caring for someone else our entire lives. All of our family member’s favorite question at holidays are, “Meet a nice boy/girl at school yet?” Why though? This is quite literally one of the most fast paced times of our lives but this question never fails to surface. In college we are thrown into 200-square feet of living space and expected to live in perfect harmony with a complete stranger. Then, we are expected to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives, and then get good grades and get involved in our school through clubs and organizations. On top of this, we are supposed to find the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with? That sounds like a load of crap to me.

I want to spend this time finding the kind of person I want to be for the rest of my life. I want to figure out my likes and dislikes, challenge myself, try everything from new food to a random general education classes. I want to travel and learn. I want to spend days hiking and exploring, I want to jump out of plane and dance the night away at concerts of bands that most people might not have heard of. Experiences help us become who we are and if we spend that entire time planning for our future relationship we miss those opportunities. Go to places you’ll have more fun at not just the one’s that cute girl from your class is going to. Spend the night making memories with your girl friends instead of “Netflix and chilling” with that guy that hit you up at 11 P.M. Go to the gym because you want to be healthy and fit not to look hot for that party that Casey will be at. Dedicate this time to taking care of yourself instead of worrying about the fact that society thinks you should be in a relationship.

If we don’t even know who we are yet how can we expect anyone else to know us? I’ve learned more about myself my first year of college being single than I’ve learned about myself in my past 19 years of living. You gain a certain confidence from knowing who you are and what you’re worth. Once you know your worth, then other people can recognize it and you won’t accept anything less than what you deserve.

We need to start to realize that being single is not a death sentence. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you and it definitely doesn’t mean your story hasn’t begun yet. We like to think that our stories begin with when we meet the person we’re supposed to spend the rest our lives with but that isn’t the case. My story will start with me. I want to be the best version of myself and I want my future significant other to love me for that. I don’t want them to love me because I go to the cool people’s parties, because I looked “hot” in that Instagram picture and because I agreed with everything they said. I want them to love the free spirit, confidence and independence I’ve gained from knowing who I am. I know people that have spent most of their young lives in a relationship with someone and then the time that isn’t spent with someone is spent trying to find their next someone. I’m sorry, but I don’t want that for myself.

Also, being OK with being single doesn’t mean you have to hate relationships either. It just means you don’t obsess over it. Obviously if you meet someone you click with, go for it. All I’m saying is do it for the right reasons (lol @ Bachelor fans)! Do it because you genuinely feel a connection with the person not because you “want a boyfriend/girlfriend” right now. Trust that everything happens for a reason and if you’re with someone right now to go with it. On the other hand if you’re single realize that that is the best thing and spend that time getting to know yourself, and that the right person will come along. Then when you decide to be in a relationship you can be confident that that person likes you for you because you know who that is!

So go ahead, be selfish! Spend your time being single being happy. Spend it making memories and going on adventures. Spend time getting to know yourself and going out of your comfort zone. Spend your days laughing as much as you breathe and living your best life. Being single is a beautiful thing.

To end this incredibly preach-y article, I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies:

“The thing about being single is you should cherish it. Because in a week or in a lifetime of being alone you might only get one moment. One moment where you aren’t tied up in a relationship with anyone, a parent, a sibling, a pet. One moment when you stand on your own really truly single...and then it’s gone.” - Alice (Dakota Johnson) How To Be Single

Love above everything (and that includes loving yourself).