As I am writing this, I am laying on the couch of a family that I babysit for, just after I put the kids to bed. I was compelled to write this letter because these children are spoiled, enabled brats that will definitely have separation issues later on (and do now). In addition, the parents are the type of parents that will go to the teacher (or babysitter) any time their kid complains to them about something that happened at school (or while being babysat), no matter the gratitude, and tell the teacher (or babysitter) to change what they are doing to accommodate their kid (as if they don’t have other children to teach (or babysit for).
A little background: I babysit for 19 families, work at a preschool, and volunteer at an after school program. I have had experience with a wide range of types of families: poor, rich, nice, mean, healthy, unhealthy. Through experience, I have learned that it’s not wealth, health, or personality that raises enabled, awful, children. It’s the parents.
Dear parents.
Stop raising little enabled brats as children.
It all starts from home. Every problem will start from the home. My child development teacher always says that, and it’s completely true. A child might be shy if their parents fight a lot, or might be outgoing if they are an only child/receive copious amounts of attention. When something is up, or they’re crying about something silly, it means there is definitely something not right at home. Whether they’re always used to getting what they want and cry when they don’t, or if their parents are getting divorced and they take their anger out on their peers, the problem started from the home. That’s what I’m addressing in this letter.
My biggest pet peeve when babysitting is when the parents blindly trust anything their kids tell them the next day about how the night went. ‘Oh? The sitter locked the dog in the bathroom all night? Yep! And while I was at it I flushed the fish down the toilet too! No. Stop right there. What in your right mind made you think that I would lock your dog in the bathroom in the first place!? What makes you think that it’s okay to accuse me of locking your dog in the bathroom without even asking me in the first place about the scenario? Do not call up your babysitter every time your kids tell a bogus story and tell them to change their babysitting habits.
No matter how many families your sitter sits for, if you trust your sitter with your kids in the first place, you are trusting the sitter’s actions with it, which means you need to back them up if/when your child complains to you. Enough said.
It’s not their teacher’s fault.
(Also, it’s your child’s teacher, not yours. Stop trying to live vicariously through your children and control their lives)
My favorite family, from the beginning, have been fantastic people and fantastic parents whom both fully trust and support everything I do, (both teachers… correlation?) Sometimes when they get back from a date night, we will sit and talk for as long as an hour, often complaining about other parents because we all have to deal with them. From the eyes of a teacher, the most irritating thing is when a parent calls in complaining about their child’s grade on a project or test or saying that their child ‘deserves’ something or should get something because it is ‘fair.’ No, parents. You should know, that is not how life works. Life. Isn’t. Fair. Every child receives the same project, quiz, test, etc, and it is their choice to work hard to get the grade that they want or not. It is not your job to call their teacher (when you should be teaching your child to talk to their teacher, seldom should you get involved) and complain about something that is your child’s problem, not the teacher’s. Teachers are human, they mess up every now and then, but they know what they are doing and should be trusted, just as the babysitters should be.
Do not, under any circumstances, give your child everything they want.
Yes, you want to give your children everything they want in life and all that jazz; your parents didn’t have cell phones until they were well past college, and that didn’t keep them from being smart, well-rounded human beings, now did it?** I get it, you want them to be happy, but they also need to know that YOU are the boss and what you say goes, no arguments. If you teach them that they can bargain with you then they’ll think it’s okay to do it with their teacher, babysitter, grandparents, etc. I don’t know about other sitters, but I have no tolerance for disrespect and not listening. In addition, kids that always get everything they want will never learn that they have to work to get what they want, and when they get to high school, college, or even the working world and need to make a work ethic, it will slap them in the face. It is your job as a parent to help and teach your child to thrive once they are on their own, and if you give them everything they want, they won’t learn to work for themselves. You need to teach your children that when they fall on their face they can get up again and try again!
**Side note-don’t buy your kid a cell phone, or even an iPod until they’re in middle school, or for their benefit, wait until high school. The eight year olds I babysat for today got a cell phone to share and texted their mom 35 times within the first four hours. It’s YOUR date night, YOUR night to relax. Do not give them the opportunity to disturb that with texts like, “I. lov u,” “Com Home, soon” or “<3.” You can tell them you love them when you get home. It’s extremely annoying as the babysitter when you want to let the parents have a fun night out without the kids and then have no control over telling the kids not to because “Mommy said we can text her whenever we need anything!” No. If we need something or you need to reach us, use the sitter’s cell phone or the house phone. Do not give your eight year olds a cell phone. Also, that gives them the opportunity to be exposed to social media WAY before they need to be. Especially for middle schoolers who are in their awkward stages and trying to figure everything out, posting dumb things on social media and starting dumb drama on twitter because their hormones are raging. Don’t buy them a cell phone and let them get social media, which they don’t realize can impact them for the rest of their lives (and applying to college)
Follow through, follow through, FOLLOW THROUGH.
Parents, I see this TOO MANY TIMES, when you make a punishment, follow through! A family I used to sit for a lot would always threaten, “If you do that again then you won’t be allowed to play with [the author of this letter/the sitter] anymore!” When they would do it again, she would just threaten the same thing again but never, ever follow through. Follow through is SO important, I see it in my (17/18 year old) friends! If you teach your children you won’t follow through on punishment, then when they are really in trouble they won’t take you seriously. Specifically, when I punish the kids I’m sitting for, many don’t think I’m serious because their parents don’t follow through. I started driving the kids of that same family to dance class recently. One day, the son was going absolutely crazy in the car; he refused to wear a seatbelt, was hurting his sister, kept screaming in my ear, putting his feet on my head, and more. So, I threatened that I would never buy him a donut again if he screamed again, and he did. (There is a donut shop right next to the dance class and I would buy each of the kids a donut as a reward for being good during the car ride). The next week when we stopped for donuts, I didn’t buy him one and he got mad. He didn’t get that I actually planned on following through with my punishment because his parents never did.
Please, parents. Don’t raise bratty kids. If not for yourselves and the kids, do it for the sitter.
Yours Truly,
The Babysitter
