We’ve heard it a million times—“you’re too complicated;” “why can’t you just say how you feel?” “I wish you were more like her. We’ve heard it from family members, significant others, friends, teachers, bosses; just about every person we consider important thinks we’re too hard to love. We have an edge to us, a chip on my shoulders; we’ve let what we’ve been through harden us. We don’t let people in; we’re guarded. It’s exhausting to be around us. No one has time to tear down our walls so inevitably everyone leaves. That’s the stereotype, but is that all that’s really to us?
Let’s be honest, we’ve dealt with more demons in our lives than most people can imagine, so the fact that we haven’t totally lost it yet is something to commend. We experienced heartbreak, loss, and tragedy at such a young age that it shaped not just who we are but why we are that way. Is it fair? No, but someone has to live it, right? Some of us endure so much hurt one time that we’re shaped to believe our lives are doomed from the jump. I’ll give you a little background on myself; I am a child of divorced parents. Well, let me rephrase, a divorced family; everyone on both sides of my family (minus a handful maybe) has been divorced at least once. So I guess you could say my view of relationships and marriage is a little skewed, and that’s carried over into my own relationships. It keeps me guarded, and it keeps me from getting attached and getting hurt. Unfortunately, it also makes me hard to love.
Our parents are the ones who set our standards for love and how we should be treated in relationships, but when you miss those crucial examples, where are we supposed to turn? Naturally we’re going to look at the relationships of those around us, which is an excellent starting point; however, we all know that relationships aren’t always what they seem on Facebook and Instagram, and no one is walking around blasting his or her marital problems in public, so we don’t really get a true insight from other people. We could also look to media, but television shows and magazines manipulate relationships to gain ratings and a following, so that’s a no go as well. Are we truly forced to wander in this messy world of dating blind? We’re like newborn deer trying to walk. We’re going to stumble, and it’s certainly going to be hard, but eventually, the deer run off and start families of their own.
We’re not the girls who fall easily. We don’t give our hearts away to the first person that asks, but when we fall, we fall so hard. Some refer to us as those independent types who don’t need no man (but in the all attitude way). We aren’t the type to date just because, and we don’t waste our time on trivial relationships that we know good and well aren’t going to last. We aren’t afraid of being alone because our validation isn’t found in another. We know what we want in life, and we know what steps to take to get there. We are our own person, and we know that our “til death do us part” will be with someone who compliments us not completes us.
