“You’re pretty for an Indian girl.” Excuse my frustration, but what exactly is that supposed to mean? Do you really seriously think that most Indian girls aren’t beautiful?Do you actually believe that we jump with joy when you pit us against each other by stating one of us is more appealing than the other - when you separate us from our ethnic background as if it is something to be proud of?
This may come as a surprise to you, but I and basically every other Indian girl don’t appreciate this “compliment” of yours. In fact, it’s what you would call a “back-handed compliment”; you know, a compliment that’s not really a compliment, but actually a hidden insult.
I remember the first time I heard this comment. My eyes grew wide, and I was taken aback with an apparent look of shock on my face. “Don’t worry, it’s a compliment,” was the person’s reply as she annoyingly laughed at my expression and lack of thanks. At the time, I had no idea how to respond to her, so with pursed lips, I quietly replied with a thank you.
Now that I think about it years later and after getting a couple more of these “compliments,” I know exactly how to react.
I am not going to show you any sort of appreciation. Trust me, you’re definitely not doing me a favor by your words. It’s not because I’m trying to be rude but because I simply don’t appreciate it.
When you add the tagline “for an Indian girl,” you’re basically finding physical similarities between us and the image of “pretty girls” that media and pop culture have engraved into your brain. You’re stating that you find us likable and attractive because for some reason, you don’t think I look like a “stereotypical" Indian girl, but instead because I fit into a category referred to as “white beauty”. But what are these Indian stereotypes? Tanner skin? Browner eyes? Darker hair? How come us girls with color can’t just be told, “You’re pretty”? Because we are. Our ethnic and racial backgrounds shouldn’t matter.
Also, please please please don’t say I look “exotic.” When we don’t look like what a huge chunk of pop culture looks like, we often become labeled as “exotic-looking.” But what exactly does this mean? It means you find us appealing, desirable, beautiful because, once again, you don’t think we “ethnically look the way we should.” Just like I stated before, you’re finding ways to separate me from my ethnic and racial background, as if we should be proud of that. You’re using this as a means to compliment me because I should be flattered that I fit into today’s “standards of beauty”.
Who cares if we have different skin tones or browner eyes or darker hair or whatever? We still have skin and eyes and hair. And I think that’s enough grounds to be complimented as just “pretty.” No need to bring in “for an Indian girl” or “for an _____ girl” for the matter. So please, do us all a favor, and drop that tagline. Besides, you’ll be saving yourself a few extra breaths.
