We have a very multi-faceted personality as individuals. This is a great thing as we all know because of individuality, different ideas, enlightening other people, etc,. However, no one acknowledges the hard part of being a said individual and no one acknowledges the hypocrisy that people carry out toward those people.
What I'm saying here is that when people tote around the "be yourself" card and essentially give it out to everyone that they see yet when that person is showing a different portion of what makes up their said "self" all the sudden people look the other way or simply state, "you're not acting like yourself". This statement I have a real issue with, I can not express how livid I am when this comes up. I'll explain...
People do not know who they are yet. We do not know all of our facets, all of our likes, dislikes, because we are always changing and meeting new people that open our eyes to new things. We are always exploring who we are in that moment. Sometimes though, we don't know why we act certain ways around others or in a different environment or process something differently than before.
Sometimes we project an image of ourselves--regardless if it's intentional or not--to different groups of people and so those groups of people only experience you in that certain way. When these people experience you in one way they subconsciously assume that this is you. This is all you are. Anything deviating from this type of mood, humor, attitude etc., is "out of character" for you and "weird".
This is what frustrates me because no one, no single individual, is one sided. We all have expansive sides to us that come out depending on our environment and what is going on in our lives. In fact, I argue that we don't have a true self. Those million and one ways we act help make up the individual that we are and it's a matter of what side of ourselves that we are most comfortable with.
"Who we are" is all about when we feel the most safe and comfortable with ourselves, who is around us when we feel this way? Where are we when we feel this way? This is why we have that cliche "I'm only me when I'm with you" it's because we feel most comfortable being who we are at that time around that person or in that environment.
The second issue that goes along with this is communication. When people see that you are sad or just not in the mood you will get the inevitable, "What's wrong? You're not yourself" here's the issue with this...
...no one actively listens to your answer. I already know EXACTLY what the response is every single time I tell someone what's wrong: "Oh." "That sucks." "I'm sorry." "It'll get better." or my most hated one, "I don't know what to tell you". My response to them is, "Then why did you ask?"
The cherry on top is that no one can seem to accept that how you are acting in that moment is a part of who you are. They think you're in a mood, you'll get out of it, you'll get "back to normal" soon. How they perceive you to be normal may not be how you feel most comfortable with yourself though.
People need to begin to acknowledge that how we handle emotions and anything in general is apart of who we are. You cannot designate a person to one facet, that is completely unfair and not right. When we speak to each other, we need to actively listen to them. Don't think about what you'll say in response, don't think about your schedule, actually listen to what it is they are trying to tell you. Most of the time people aren't looking for solutions from you, they just want reassurance that you are there and that you care.
So, to the people out there wondering "who they really are" just breathe. That is a life long journey. You won't figure it out anytime soon, but what you can figure out is who you are when you feel the most comfortable with yourself. To everybody in between, remember that we don't have a set facet. We are made up of a lot of things and as friends, family, and couples, we need to be ready to accept all of those sides of that person. Isn't that what real love and acceptance is anyhow?
