Hello, my name is Jennifer and I have depression. There. I said it. I have struggled with this mental illness for several years now. And yes, it is a mental illness. Depression, being one of the most common (if not the most common) mental illnesses in America, tends to get glossed over or written off as "sadness". But it's something wholly different. It is a daily struggle to get out of bed. It is a tug-of-rope war between feelings of anxiety and feelings of intense emotions. At least, this is what I experience. And there are those out there who just don't understand what it really means to struggle with this. "Why can't you just be happy?" or "Why can't you be like this person? (S)he is so happy all the time, even when bad things happen to him/her." Believe me, I wish it were that easy.
I want to preface this a��rticle by saying that I am not writing this for attention. I am not writing this to "share my story" (although I love reading those articles!). I'm writing this to make people aware of the stigma that goes along with being depressed.
Depression can come in many forms. For some, it is much more severe and dangerous than it is for others. But we are all afraid to talk about it. In the past, when I've opened up to people and told them that I suffer from this, they began to avoid me, as if I were contagious. Which is the exact opposite of what I needed. I already felt so alone.
Okay, so I lied. I guess I am telling my story. But hang in with me, it ties in at the end, I swear. So like I said, I was struggling with this for a while. And I was doing okay with it, some days being better than others. But a few months ago, it just became too much to bare. I talked to my doctor and she put me on Zoloft. I have taken this daily since then, and I feel...okay. I feel like I can breathe again. Because that is what I felt before; constriction. Suffocation. But now I'm experiencing a total 180.
I guess my question is, why do those of us who take anti-depressants feel like failures? When we have a headache, we take aspirin to get better and no one thinks twice about it. But why do we feel the need to keep our prescription for depression hush-hush? I have to admit, some days I feel awful about myself because I have to take a pill to essentially make me happy. But then i remember this isn't my fault. THIS ISN'T MY FAULT. I could go into the things that happened when I was younger that I believe attributed to my depression (I'm sure that'll be in another article), but I won't. Why? Because regardless of what it is, this isn't my fault. I think it's time to be candid. It's time to embrace who we are and the fact that, yes, we are depressed. Yes we take medicine to help us. But you know what? Life is hard. Life is scary. And all of us have shown amazing resilience despite what we have been through. So, can people who take anti-depressants feel awful for doing so? Yes, they can. Sometimes I am one of them. But for those who don't have this problem, try to take a walk in our shoes and imagine what we are feeling. And for those who do take anti-depressants, this isn't your fault.
