Raped, drugged, taken advantage of, used, abused, ignored and scared.
She was asking for it, right?
No. Think again.
As young girls, once we cross that puberty threshold we are given a bunch of conversations. One of which is what we should and shouldn't do. We are told what we should and shouldn't wear so as not to "distract" the male population. As women and girls, we are advised not to walk alone because it is dangerous. In bars and social settings, leaving a drink or accepting a drink, might possibly be a fatal mistake we make. But why?
"It's your duty."
I have a friend who was in a marriage in which her husband carried himself with an "I can do what I want because I'm your husband." attitude. Upon leaving that marriage, she was told things like "It's your duty." "It's your job." "It's not rape if he's your husband." Rape as a verb is defined as "to seize and take away by force." Rape as a noun is defined as "an outrageous violation." So why is rape the fault of the victim? Why was she asking for it? The truth is, she wasn't.
"Had you done this, this wouldn't have happened."
If a man can walk into a bar, calm and collected, why can't we? A few months ago, my friend was at a bar where someone had slipped something into her drink, and then proceeded to take advantage of the fact that she couldn't defend herself. For whatever reason, this man slammed her against a bar (which in case you didn't know guys, is assault). After posting about this on social media, she received comments synonymous with "Had you not gone to a bar, this wouldn't have happened." "You should really be more careful." "You were asking for it." In the grand scheme of things, no woman or girl asks to be taken advantage of. And at no point had she walked into that bar and said "Gosh, I really hope someone slips something into my drink tonight."
"You were asking for it." "She's asking for it."
When a girl or woman wakes up in the morning and decides to wear a skirt, or decides to wear a tight dress to a party, that is not an invitation to touch her, objectify her or treat her like her own body isn't hers. She is wearing that outfit for herself because it makes her feel good. Her dress is not saying "Have sex with me, even if my mouth says no." or "Slip something into my drink because I need to 'loosen up.'" When a stranger grabs your wrist in public, you are allowed to be aggravated. It is not "being bitchy," it's being a person who has a right to not want to be touched by a stranger.
So why are we spending so much time teaching women and young girls that our behavior is the problem and no time talking to men and boys about how their behavior should be carried out? Why do women need to carefully go about their lives, while men can walk around at any time, with little to no fear of being taken advantage of or attacked?
The last message to the women and girls who may read this.
You are not the problem. You are not at fault for the things that have happened to you. Use your voice and your experiences and use it to change the way society thinks. Speak your mind, refuse to be silenced. Refuse to be a victim, refuse to be objectified.
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
