I have been single for a very long time. If you know me, you know that I don't date very often. I would estimate that I have seriously dated two guys since I was 16, and have seriously considered maybe 5 or 6 that didn't actually evolve into anything serious.
To a lot of people, that is very strange. I know people that can't exist if they're not dating or "talking" to someone. I know people that would rather stay with someone they know is bad for them than be alone. There was a time when I had the same mindset.
When I was younger, I was in love with the idea of love. I would see people around me in what I thought were happy relationships (based almost solely on social media appearances) and I wanted that. I wanted, more than anything, to feel like I was worthy of being loved.
Looking back, I can definitely admit that I was boy crazy. Every week it seemed like I had a new crush and I just knew we were destined to date. My friends would all have "boyfriends" and I would feel left out. They would even joke with me saying that they needed to "find me a man" and I honestly started to feel like I needed a boy in my life to prove I was worthy of love.
However, since I've gotten older, I've realized that my worth isn't found in who I am or am not dating. I don't need a boyfriend to be happy, and I certainly don't deserve to force myself into a relationship with someone I don't really love. I've learned that my time (and the time of the men I choose to pursue) is valuable and that it isn't fair to either party to waste it on something I know is never going to work.
I am worthy of love, regardless of who loves or hates me, and I choose every day to fight for it. I don't want a temporary relationship. I don't want to spend a couple of months with a guy I know I'm not going to marry. I don't want to waste time getting comfortable with someone that I know in my heart isn't my forever.
If you can relate to the old me, I encourage you to spend some time getting to know yourself. As cliché as it sounds, it is true that you need to learn to love yourself before you try to let anyone else love you.
Follow your heart, and don't stick around any relationship that makes you feel undervalued or asks you to compromise your standards. Set your standards high, and stick to them. Fight for the love you deserve and know that that love is more than some guy in your English class the doesn't get your sense of humor and only comes to class once a month but has nice hair.
