Dear Best Friend,

Life hasn't been the same since you left. I can't seem to get it right. I try so hard, yet I don't seem to have it right. Why'd you go? I needed you. You kept me together. You held me together. Seems like since you've been gone, everything has been going down hill. My life isn't the same anymore. I cry more. I hate myself more. You were my strength when I was weak. Best Friend, come back to me.

I remember the day you died. I didn't know what to do. I thought it was a joke. I remember Whitney saying it, and I laughed. She sounded so nonchalant. I was like "whatever I'll see him tomorrow"...LOL. Nope. Joke's on me. Diesha called. Crying. Choking. "Gay, Kelsey is gone." What? LOL. Girl y'all better stop playing. It's not a joke, Gaybreala. He's gone. I remember telling mama. I remember her calling Mrs. Yarborough. I remember her confirming it. I remember sinking on the wall. I remember feeling like a ton of bricks had been sat on my chest. I remember screaming. I remember not being able to fall asleep. I remember that I just wanted to come to the hospital. Climb in bed. Die with you. I remember not wanting to go on. I remember Daddy holding me on his lap and rocking me. I remember my body shaking with pain. I remember being angry.

Best Friend, I was mad at you. How dare you leave me? I needed you. You were my strength. You left me. You didn't even say bye. Why Best Friend? I thought you loved me. You were supposed to be my husband. I've been stumbling through life since you left. I'm a mommy now. I wish you were here. I wish you could've met him. I'm trying to keep it together. Trying to tell myself that I'm OK. I'm lying. I'm hurting. Kelsey J. I miss you. I love you. I'm not mad anymore. You're still the greatest.