The Earth has many cycles: day and night; high tide, low tide; washer, dryer, etc. With each passing cycle comes a new cosmic shift of energies and geometries. Look at a tree outside. Do you know how many cosmic triangles are in a tree? There are so many you wouldn't believe it. Trust me on this, I've studied alchemical trees for ages, but I digress. One of the most recent cycles starting up is that of a student's school semester, a very powerful cycle indeed. An entire world of knowledge, friendship and liver abuse await many eager scholars, but this world is also full of strife and fear. An unprepared soul may find themselves crying in their bed late into the year. Abandoning classes and homework for the safety of their dorm. Don't worry though, I'm here to offer some guidance to all you uncertain of your academic future. With my mystical card-reading skills, I will tap into the semester's energy cycle and provide to you a 100 percent accurate forecast of your fortune.

The Present

Ah, I've drawn the valley card as your present situation. This suggests that you are in a certain spot you've been working to get to. It would be recommended to remain there, as it would be difficult to leave, and possibly even more difficult to return. If you aren't happy with where you are now, try to find things to appreciate about your situation. Try new things and go with your instinct, look for something you haven't seen before and don't be afraid to wander. If you decide to leave the valley, it will be a difficult journey. You may fall many times, but if you are determined, you can climb up that cliff. It is important to remember, though, sometimes climbing a mountain can leave you in a worse spot than before.

The Past

And here we have th- wait... this isn't supposed to be in my deck. Uhh, hold on, I need to do some tapping of mystic lines... Yeah, it looks like my sister accidentally put this in here when she borrowed my deck, I'll just go with it. Your past has had some unexpected events in it, possibly involving relationships; hopefully you've learned something about who you lend your deck- I mean heart to. If you look at it from up or down, it seems strange that anything in the recent past has actually happened at all. Try to roll with the curves this year and you will find things can go much smoother than expected. Also maybe avoid gambling this semester, luck is very fickle.

The Future

For your future, I've drawn the frog card. This can represent vanity and distaste with yourself and others. You may not be happy with who you are; unsure if you are being true to yourself or acting falsely for the opinion of others. Be confident and truthful with yourself and you will find hopping through life to be natural as you follow your conscience. Be wary of new people, especially dudes that carry around guitars with them. Someone may try to deceive you or take advantage of your good intentions. So be wary of who's looking at your flies. Overall, the future is murky and unclear, but good fortune is in store for those with patience.

So there's your tarot card reading for this school semester. I hope it answered some of your questions. The universe may be vague at times, but trust me when I say I've perfected this card method. All my Yelp reviews are glowing with praise on how I've given great mystic advice on all subjects of life. I've presented this reading free of charge, since I know students are often hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. If you find my readings to be helpful to you at this time, then don't thank me. Thank the universe for giving the world a great gift, me.