You can say sorry until you're blue in the face, and it will always mean nothing.

I will never be able to figure out why you hurt me the way you did. Why you claimed to love someone you wanted as nothing more than your personal human punching bag. Someone who would take your terrifying screams to the face, your snide remarks, your complete disregard for basic human respect, and still stand strong and smile back at you. I will never be able to figure out why the years of love, effort, support, and care was never reciprocated back. I will never be able to understand how a human being can go so cold so young. But you are living, breathing proof.

After all your hateful, malicious actions, you stood there looking down on me with your pathetic soft smile, and said..."Sorry". As if the "sorry" would wash away the tears. As if "sorry" could take the panic attack back, wipe away the bruises, and give me back the time wasted. As if "sorry", was any type of excuse for your mistreatment of the girl you claimed to love.

The BEST part, was when you tried to say it was all out of love. That was the greatest. You truly believed that your abuse was BENEFITING me in some sick and twisted way. Your cruelty DID NOT help me. It broke me down. It made me vulnerable. It made me believe I was unlovable. And when you realized these aftereffects you scarred into me, you looked down on me with your pathetic soft smile, and said... "Sorry."

No matter how many times you try to say it, your sorry will never mean anything. Your actions are unforgivable. I will never respect you again. I will never accept the way you treated me. I will never give you another sad excuse. You destroyed me. I wish I could say that your actions didn't phase me, but after four years of being nothing but beaten down. You won. Any trace of the girl I used to be is completely gone now, but for that, I thank you.

The person I was with you is one I never want to be again. I will never let another treat me as if they can control me. I will never again feel worthless. I will never again confuse hate for love. Thank you for making me realize that. Thank you for being so completely, unbearably terrible to me, that being treated right now feels like gold. Because of you, I now value my freedom. I value those who truly love and appreciate me. And Boy, trust me...I will never be abused again.

So your sorry never has and never will mean anything to me. You aren't sorry, but I am so sorry for you.