Body shaming, in general, is a terrible thing. Whether someone is on the lighter side, or on the heavier side...they shouldn't have to hear negative comments about their body.
I've never been on the heavier side, but I'm more than certain that the comments people make hurt just as much as they hurt a skinny, underweight 19-year-old girl. Who is this girl you ask? Well, as much as I don't want to admit it...that girl was me. And probably countless girls out there that are complete strangers to me.
I'm not exactly sure how to talk about this, because I'm sure many people will say that what I considered "skinny shaming" was them trying to "help". And I can understand that to a certain extent. I understand that there were people that were genuinely concerned. I understand that the way my body was, was not healthy. But that still does not make it okay for anybody to put anyone down. Think of it this way. Would you make fun of a cancer patient for being bald after having chemo? You wouldn't do that, because you know they're going through hell. You know they're already suffering. So why isn't this looked at the same way? Why is it okay for someone to look at me and tell me, "you're SO skinny", "do you even eat?", etc. And the simple answer is...it's not okay for you to do that to someone who is skinny or dealing with an eating disorder.
I don't know how many people's stories go, so I can only talk about my own experience. It was my freshman year of college, and there were many things that weren't going right for me. For an 18-19 year girl, at 5'2 tall...by the end of the year, I was only 98 pounds. But looking back, I realized one thing. The problem wasn't that I wasn't eating, or that the food I was eating, wasn't healthy...it was stress. Stress killed my body. And when people called me a "stick" or told me "you're so skinny, I could see right through you", it didn't help. In fact, it made it worse. If I had to tell someone that skinny shamed someone, one thing...it would be this. If you can't encourage someone, don't discourage them. I think people fail to realize that the way they say things to someone who is really struggling, many times hurts more than helps. Anyone struggling with any type of disorder needs to have a support system, otherwise, that person will rot away regardless of how much you tried to "help" them.
And you know something? I hear that so often. The statement that they, "tried to help". But when I ask how they tried to help, usually I get a plethora along the lines of, "I told them they were unhealthy, and that they should fix it." And let me be the first to tell you that simply identifying the problem for someone, isn't the end all solution AT ALL. I'm going to leave that point there, and move on to something that may help those that are trying to help.
I think the biggest thing to remember when dealing with such a situation, is the mindset of the person you're dealing with. These people are usually already used to hearing negative comments about themselves. DO NOT add to those negative comments. If you need to say something serious that may hurt them, say it in a constructive way. For example, if you're thinking, "you need to get help", say something like, "hey, let's get some lunch together!" Instead of pointing out how you can see their bones, ask them if they need someone to talk to. The biggest thing that will make a difference in this person's health is the one word, "together". "Together" lets them know they aren't alone.That they're not going to fail. How you talk to a person in distress, makes all the difference. That's what will truly pull someone with this problem, or any problem for that matter, out of what they're dealing with. How you treat them. How you make them feel.
Author's Note: To those going through this predicament currently, or that may go through it in the future...I want you to know that yes, it will be difficult to get out of this. But it IS possible. You CAN do it. I may be just an inanimate voice that you'll never actually know, but just know this stranger is cheering for you. This stranger is praying for you. Because that 98 pound, 19-year-old girl wished too hard that she had someone there for her.
